


(I Can Still Recall) Our Last Summer

by purecamp



Series: Mamma Mia Au [1]
Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-05
Updated: 2019-11-05
Packaged: 2021-01-23 15:51:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 40,996
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21322744
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/purecamp/pseuds/purecamp
Summary: Prequel to Here I Go Again!, mamma mia au. Trixie always wanted to know how it happened - and this is how.TW - discrimination based in religion, and some sexual content
Relationships: Sharon Needles/Alaska Thunderfuck 5000, Sharon Needles/Phi Phi O'Hara, Willam Belli/Sharon Needles
Series: Mamma Mia Au [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1537222
Comments: 2
Kudos: 6





	1. Chapter 1

“Sharon, are you ready to go yet? The deacon wanted us here early so you can help to mind the kids before the service!”

Sharon stared into the mirror at a face that didn’t feel like hers. It was free of makeup, the pallidity emphasising the dark circles beneath her eyes and her uneven skin tone. Her blonde hair was pulled back into one long plait, and not a single hair dared to break the strict mold she had been forced into, even from last night’s previous sexy curls. Even her clothes felt uncomfortable, the floral dress of her mother’s choosing hanging loosely from her frame.

Demure. Sensible. Her shoes were patent and shiny, with a thick rubber sole.

Sighing, Sharon started down the stairs. Just once more, she would’ve liked to have slept in a little on a Sunday, but that would never be. Missing church was a sin, and Sharon’s almost obsessively Catholic mother would never allow such a thing to happen in her household - even though it had before. For Sharon, it wasn’t worth the screaming. As she traipsed down the stairs, she ran her slender fingers along the many embellished crosses on the wall, serving as a reminder that she would never be good enough. Above her, the depiction of Jesus on the cross glared judgmentally at her.

I died for your sins, he seemed to be saying. I died on a cross for your sins, and you’re turning up to church hungover.

Everything Sharon spent her weekends doing, it seemed, was wrong or bad or sinful in some way. She knew drinking was against the rules. Her mother, practically Puritan in some of her opinions, insisted that the popular music of the time was sinful too, as was the dancing. Sharon knew her mother would have an aneurysm if she knew how her daughter had looked and behaved the night before; a vision in bright makeup and skin-tight sparkles, grinding against other dancers as she sang. The woman would have been seconds from a heart attack if she had seen Sharon just that morning, silently making her way up the stairs and frantically wiping all traces of sultry makeup and stage attire from her body. There hadn’t been any time to sleep or recover from her night of partying - not if she wanted to look presentable.

The skirt of Sharon’s dress reached just below her knees. She was the picture of a respectful Catholic girl.

“Ah, you look decent for once,” Her mother appraised her. “Not like that awful Gina. She’s about your age, isn’t she? What a dreadful girl.”

In Sharon’s mother’s eyes, Gina was dreadful mostly due to her clothes, which were scandalous as they dipped below her collarbones and above her knees. Sharon, however, had once caught her with a boy, and Gina had once caught Sharon performing on a weekend. They had a silent pact to never spill the other’s secret.

“Yeah…” Sharon murmured, her mind elsewhere.

Her mother paused. “Here. Don’t forget your cross, for goodness sake.” She placed the rosary around her daughter’s neck. “There. Now, remember, you’re helping out at Sunday school and then attending the service with me. And no complaining, not like last time. I raised you to be a good, God-fearing girl. Or else you know what.”

Sharon nodded meekly. “Of course.”

As they walked, Sharon’s mind wandered to her friends, yearning to get away. Raja, no doubt, was lying fast asleep on the island somewhere, curled around some naked guy with hickeys all over his neck. They’d been gyrating over each other all night, and Raja was never one to shy away from male attention. Jinkx would be asleep too, most likely with Dorito crumbs in her hair, drooling from her hangover, perhaps accompanied with some young woman tucked under her arm. And then there was Sharon, on her way to church.

It had been an incredible night, like always. Her outfit - safely tucked away in the taverna’s dressing room so that her mother would never stumble upon it - was everything she knew she wasn’t allowed, tight sequined lycra that clung to her body and was perfect for dancing in. Her makeup was dark and smokey, and her spirits were high, fuelled by the alcohol and the roaring of the crowd dancing beneath them. The Supermodels had been formed a year ago, and they’d amassed quite a following on the little island they performed on.

Would anyone’s opinion of her change if they could see her now? She was the star of their show, the main attraction; she was the one everyone lauded as the lead singer, the funniest, the favourite. Yet she was the one who caught the early morning boat across back to the mainland, hurrying to scrub her makeup off and dress herself up as a good daughter.

But that was just how things were. Despite Raja and Jinkx’s encouragement, she knew it was just going to stay that way. 

It was inescapable, really. As she’d been told, ever since she was a child, Jesus was watching. Some unseen forces had their eyes on her, judging her every move. Despite her lack of belief, the threat was real enough to force her into keeping up pretenses, much to her friends’ dismay. But she couldn’t help it. Disappointing her mother only ever ended in disaster.

-

Sharon wasn’t sure what she disliked more, in all honesty - the chilling silence that hung around the pews in the church or the ungodly screaming of the children at the Sunday school. The actual leader of the group had fucked off twenty minutes ago to make a cup of tea and hadn’t come back, leaving Sharon alone with the screaming under-tens as she attempted to teach them about the Last Supper.

She was sat on an uncomfortably low chair, made for the children, as she attempted to continue their lesson to no avail. They were running amok, screeching and screaming as she tried to maintain some level of control. She was seventeen, for fuck’s sake - it was cruel that they’d put her on babysitting duty.

“And- And Jesus…” She tried, holding up the obscenely large book as she tried to command their attention. “And Jesus told his disciples- oh, fuck this.”

She flung the book onto the floor, ignoring how the smooth pages crumpled beneath the foot of a little boy. She had never liked that stupid shiny book anyway. Bread and wine seemed like a crap dinner.

“You just said a bad word! I’m going to tell the priest!” An obnoxious kid of maybe seven declared, crossing her arms across her chest.

She was the kind of brat Sharon’s mother had always hoped Sharon would be. Her gaze was accusatory, her clothes disgustingly pristine, and she probably had some kind of stupid name like Mary-Ann. Undoubtedly, she’d grow up to be another suffocating church mom.

Sharon scowled. “Oh yeah? How about I tell your mommy that you said you don’t believe in God, and you don’t even want to do your stupid Holy Communion? Hmm?”

The little girl burst into tears. Sharon rolled her eyes, anger bubbling in her chest as she rose from the ridiculously tiny chair and stormed out of the room. The door slammed shut behind her, attracting the attention of the volunteer who was supposed to be taking care of the Sunday school. He looked up in surprise.

“They’re all yours.” She snarled. “Little fucking angels, the lot of them.”

With that, she stormed into the nave, cursing under her breath as she let the door slam shut behind her.

It seemed her outburst had not gone unnoticed, however, as the priest had ceased his dismal preaching, and the churchgoers were staring in horror at her entrance. It didn’t take long for Sharon to spot her mother, in that ludicrous hat with her murderous glare, so she walked with her head high towards the pew, slipping onto the end and bowing her head to blend in. 

“Is everything quite alright with the children?” The priest inquired. Someone snickered.

“Just fucking peachy.” She replied, eliciting a shocked gasp. “Continue, Father John.”

Listening to the priest was no better, really, than the meltdown-inducing chaos of the Sunday school children, but it was something. At least his dull, unrelenting voice could allow her to zone out a little. She could just go into autopilot, saying ‘Amen’ when necessary and singing the words to hymns that she had practically been breastfed since birth.

As usual, she just obeyed. Sit down, stand up, pass money into the collection dish, sit down, sing the hymns, stand up. It was liturgical and structured, they told her. Just the way that God wanted it to be. Just the way she would never be able to be.

Suffocating. That was how it really was. Sharon felt trapped. A foot out of line, a hair out of place, a word misspoken - that was enough to feel as though she had let everyone down. She was a disgrace to the church and one day, she knew everyone would know about it. It felt like she was living a lie, almost. She’d go as far as saying that she had never believed in God, even as a child, and so attended the services in disbelief. She lived a lie, whilst still feeling the pressure and judgement under His watchful eye with her every thought and action. Sharon’s life was essentially planned out for her, all thanks to the church, and she hated it. She would never be able to be that perfect little wife they wanted her to be.

Raja and Jinkx were lucky. Raja’s family were Hindu, but Raja herself wasn’t, and Jinkx seemed as free as the wind that blew over the shore, devoid of any preconceived notions of how she should behave. Raja and Jinkx were able to just be. Sharon didn’t have that luxury.

The service ended all too soon, filling Sharon with a sense of impending dread. Most of her rebellion was away from her mother, as a way to feel as though she was silently taking control of her own life and her own fate. Rarely, she dared to be as bold as she had in talking back to the priest and the volunteer, and it always landed her in boiling hot water. Private rebellion felt safer, and as the priest talked, she could feel the looming horror of her punishment growing closer and closer, like the telling chill of a devastating winter blizzard. Although she hated it, she wished the service could go on for longer.

Mere seconds after it had ended, Sharon’s mother had taken her arm in a vice-like grip, and was frogmarching her outside. Her face was stony, rigidly set in a mask of pure anger that told Sharon she was going to pay dearly for her actions, at some point.

“What on God’s green earth do you think you’re doing?!” She bellowed, Sharon instinctively flinching. “How dare you swear at a man of God? How dare you embarrass me and our family in the holy place?”

Sharon swallowed. “I- I didn’t mean to, I-”

“Oh, yes, of course, now is the perfect time to repent from your sins. Sharon, dearest, do you remember your parables? How Jesus forgave the adulterous woman and made her promise to never do it again?”

She had no other option but to nod. “Yes, mom.”

“You aren’t just running out of chances, you vile brat. You ran out a long time ago.” Sharon’s mother paused, straightening her awful hat and glaring at Sharon, her face pinched. “Through Jesus, we find the way and the light. But you, young lady? You will never find His light. You will not be welcomed into the arms of Heaven when Judgement Day arrives. You’ll burn in Hell’s fires.”

She turned on her heel, marching away from the church and leaving Sharon with no choice in following her, a few paces behind so that she couldn’t see the tears glistening in her eyes. It didn’t matter if Sharon didn’t believe. Her mother did, and her mother truly believed she’d be suffering in eternal damnation. She would never be good enough.

It stung the entire way home. Sharon walked slowly, mulling over her mother’s words obsessively and growing more and more worked up as she thought. It wasn’t fair - it wasn’t fucking fair. She needed to get out. She needed to get away.

Of course, it would take careful planning, but Sharon was perfectly adjusted to finding illicit ways to get what she wanted. Sneaking out was practically second nature, having been raised in a Catholic prison since birth. If there was one thing she knew how to do, it was hide away.

As quickly as she could, she changed out of her nauseating church garb, letting her hair fall back into its natural waves and applying the makeup that her mother so heavily frowned upon. She knew that she would be reading by now, poring over her favourite Bible verses in order to distract and soothe her from the travesty that was her daughter, which meant Sharon had a short window of time to escape in.

Like a pro, she managed it, positioning each foot carefully on the stairs to avoid creaking and edging the door open inch by inch until she could slip through it. Once out, she ran, pelting at full-tilt through the twisting market streets into the wealthier part of town. At just after midday, she knew Raja would be home by now, and more than anything, she needed the company of her best friends.

Unlike Sharon’s respectable little home, Raja and her family were on the more extravagant side of the spectrum. Their house was gleaming white, adorned with colonnades and statues of centuries-worshipped gods that spurted water across the courtyard. It was essentially a mansion in the middle of town, and as stifling as it may have looked, it was like a second home. Even just approaching the house made her feel calmer, the anger dissipating a little. Her spirits felt lifted.

She only had to knock once before she received an answer.

“Hey!” Raja greeted as the door swung open. Jinkx stood behind her, the both of them dressed and awake for once. “You coming in?”

“Nope. You’re coming out.” Sharon grinned, spreading her arms wide to allow the sunshine to embrace her. “We’re going back to paradise and you’re coming with me.”

When in desperation, the island was Sharon’s solace. It was where The Supermodels performed on weekends, but it was also the perfect escape away from her mother’s hawk eyes that always seemed to watch her. Hardly anyone even knew about it, other than those who lived there, and those who did know about it didn’t have any interest. After all, there wasn’t much there besides the houses, a small marketplace for the residents, the taverna and some abandoned buildings. It was so secluded that it felt safe and adventurous all at the same time. Of course, it was party central for any teens, thanks to the taverna’s staging and outdoor dance floor, but that was a secret from any prying adults.

Within minutes, the girls had rushed out, dragging Raja’s boat onto the shore so they could sail away to safety. Sharon closed her eyes and let the salty air refresh her, letting the breeze blow her hair back as the sea spray flicked her skin. This was comfort and safety. Out in the open, surrounded by the blue of the ocean and the blue of the sky, nothing could hurt her. God couldn’t judge her here. She was untouchable.

They disembarked at the dock, taking each other’s hands and running all the way up, fraught with giggles. Something about the island just filled them with a sense of joy. It was only when they climbed to the highest point on the island, a sandy cliff-face that had only rocks and flowers, that they calmed down.

Sharon sat onto one of the rocks. “I can’t take this anymore. I’m going insane, girls.”

“I’m not surprised,” Jinkx replied, squatting in a decidedly unladylike manner over another rock. “It’s the same every time.”

“I mean, what’s the point?” Sharon asked. “I don’t care about what happens when I die, and whether I get into some fictional fucking Heaven. I care about now, in the moment. But nothing is happening in the moment because I’m so fucking restricted! By her, and that stupid fucking God!”

Raja nodded. “We gotta get you out of this shit before she brainwashes you. Keep rebelling and keep holding on, girl.”

Sharon sighed. “The stupid bint just keeps getting worse and worse, which just drives me to do more. I didn’t get back this morning until half an hour before we needed to leave. Plus she found those vodka bottles I hid the other week and went fucking berserk at me. Fuck her and fuck her stupid-ass rules.”

“Yes!” Raja and Jinkx cheered in unison. “Fuck her!”

“And fuck my dad for going off to Spain to be a fucking missionary. Fuck the entire fucking religion.” 

Sharon took a deep breath. “Okay, it’s out of my system. So, what’s happening tomorrow? Same set?”

Jinkx shrugged. “I’d say so. With any luck, those hot siblings will be there again.”

She and Raja exchanged a knowing look.

“Shut up!” Sharon squealed, bursting into laughter. “You did not fuck a sibling each! You did not!”

“WE DID!” Raja screeched, giggling. “We really did!”

“You’re so bad!” Sharon laughed, wiping a stray tear from her eye. “I can’t believe you. That’s amazing.”

Jinkx snorted, which set them all off again into a fit of hysterical laughter.

“You know, that’s the next step. To piss off your mom.” Raja observed.

Sharon frowned. “Huh?”

“Thou shalt not commit adultery.” Raja recited solemnly, her hand on her chest in a mockery of a promise. “Girl, commit some fucking adultery and discover the wonderful world of premarital sex.”

Sharon grinned. “I’m not gonna fuck just to piss my mom off! When I find the right guy or girl I’ll do it, but not for her. She’s not worth that much.”

“Atta girl!” Jinkx reached over for a high five. “And when you do choose to lose your virginity, do tell us all the details. I miss being pure.”

“Aww, you think I’m pure?” Sharon teased, cupping her hands in prayer. “A little angel?”

“Not with those dance moves last night, sweetheart.” Raja butted in, standing up to do a horrifically inaccurate impression. “Sexy as hell!”

The three collapsed into peals of giggles once again.

When the sun began to sink towards the horizon, painting the island in beautiful shades of copper, the girls made their way back to the boat, ready to sail away from their bubble of paradise. Sharon felt her heart tugging as they left, wanting nothing more than to stay and bask in the beginnings of the warm summer evenings. At home, a strict schedule and disappointment awaited her. Her heart sank like the sun beneath the waves as they moored, stepping back onto the mainland.

“Let’s take the long way round,” Sharon said softly, her friends catching on immediately. In silent solidarity, they each wrapped an arm around her as they walked, browsing leisurely through the market stalls to waste as much time as they could.

Familiar faces went past like always, driving Sharon insane with the repetition. Her life needed something new, desperately.

I wasn’t made for this, she thought, eyeing the unwavering structure of the world around her. I was never meant to do what everyone else is doing.

Sharon wondered, briefly, if the out-of-place feeling would ever stop, until she saw him.

He was stood alone at the tourist information stall, purchasing a map. His hair was dark, slightly curly, in a tousled mess atop his head. Though she couldn’t see all of him, Sharon could tell he was lean and muscular, and she was mesmerised by the movement of his pink lips as he spoke in a husky voice.

“Fuck me, he is gorgeous.” She breathed, turning to Raja and Jinkx and then back to him.

He turned, offering her a crooked, mischievous smile and a cocked eyebrow. “Was that you?”

“Might’ve been.” Sharon responded coyly. “What’s it to you?”

He chuckled, the sound like music to Sharon’s ears, and offered his hand. “You little minx. I’m Justin, I’m here on vacation. I thought I’d get out and see all the hidden wonders of the world.”

She took it. “Sharon. How’s that going for you? I live here on the mainland and I haven’t found any hidden wonders.”

Justin shrugged, a flirtatious smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. “I’m looking at one right now. Maybe you could show me some more?”

In spite of herself, Sharon blushed. This handsome stranger was doing all kinds of crazy things to her mind, and yet they were only flirting. She had never felt this way before.

“You ever been to that little island over there?” She asked, pointing towards the landmass in the near distance. Justin shook his head.

“You’re in luck.” Sharon smiled. “Meet me there, six in the evening tomorrow. There’s a fantastic show at the taverna that I’m sure you’ll love”

Justin nodded slowly, impossibly suave. “With you, I’d go anywhere.”


	2. Chapter 2

Raja laughed incredulously as they continued on their way home, leaving the new handsome stranger behind. Justin had blown Sharon a kiss as they left, and in a sudden surge of confidence she blew one back, throwing her usual caution to the wind. Any of her mother’s friends or fellow church attendees may have seen the flirtatious action and would report her for it, no doubt landing her in an even huger heap of trouble, but in that moment Sharon didn’t care.

“Bitch, what was that? Who are you and what did you do with our little prude?” Raja tickled her ribs, Sharon jerking away from her and squealing.

“What? I’ve never been a prude, I’m repressed!” She laughed in response. “You act like this is the first time I’ve ever flirted with someone.”

Jinkx raised her eyebrows, clearly agreeing with Raja. “I mean, it’s not… but you usually flirt to get free drinks or other free shit.”

Sharon blushed, suddenly feeling like she was being interrogated. “What? I did, didn’t I? I just got him invited to our show, that’s good for us right?”

“Good for one of us.” Raja teased. “He seems cute, I don’t blame you for developing a little crush.”

“Oh, please.” Sharon rolled her eyes. “You can’t develop a crush after just one meeting. I just… yeah, he was cute. And we flirted, and now he’s coming to our show. So, that’s that.”

Jinkx giggled. “If you insist.”

It had been a little out of character, Sharon admitted to herself, because they were right; she usually only flirted to get free drinks, loathe to spend what little money she had at the bar when someone else could do it for her. It never went anywhere, of course, just in case her eagle-eyed mother found out about it and grounded her to the pits of hell. But Justin had been right there and warm and witty, and their flirty rapport had just flowed naturally.

And maybe she was a little more than excited at the prospect of him coming to their show. Maybe her chest did feel a little bit funny, wriggly and alive and pulsing with her heartbeat, flushed with heat.

Fuck. Maybe she had a tiny crush on Justin’s cliched sparkly eyes and curly hair that she maybe, maybe wanted to run her fingers through. Just once or twice.

Fuck.

After the girls had dropped her off home, Sharon practically flung herself onto the bed and buried her face deep into her pillow. There was something exhilarating about how attracted to him she felt. It was nothing insane - they’d barely spoken, a mere flirtatious exchange of names and not much else - but he was imprinted on her mind now. She had never been allowed to feel like this, so… hopeful, in a way. Hopeful to see him again, hopeful that he would feel the same way, hopeful that he was in his hotel room somewhere thinking about her eyes and her hair and her smile.

It felt good. Sharon was never one to play in to the idea of fate, and true love - it all tied in too deeply with the sacrament of marriage, something she never wanted to think about - but she swore up and down she had felt a change in the air as soon as they made eye contact. Something about him was special, something about their sudden meeting was special. The stars outside her bedroom window were twinkling like his eyes, in such a way that she knew, one way or another, her life was about to change. From that moment on, things would turn out to be different.

Even if she had to make them different herself, somehow.

When the morning finally came, after Sharon had given up on feigning sleep, she decided to just get up and begin her day. Springing herself up at the crack of dawn wasn’t her preferred way to spend a morning, but it was a surefire way to gain a little bit of freedom, and the sleep sacrifice was worth it. It meant, at the very least, that she could dress the way she wanted to without having her mother’s complaints.

The air was crisp and fresh with the scent of sea-salt as Sharon made her way towards the docks. It sometimes felt too good to be true that her mother had no idea that the little island existed, let alone that it was where Sharon spent most of her days. She made sure to appreciate every inch of the view she was surrounded with, knowing many weren’t as lucky as she was.

Tiny white ships were dotted along the horizon; some carrying tourists, some carrying fishermen and some merely carrying sailors looking for a chance. The ocean was calm, gentle waves rippling and lapping against the powder-like sand and the worn planks of the dock. The early morning sunshine was pale and blithe.

Scanning around, Sharon looked for her usual ride to the island, but couldn’t see the little sailboat bobbing in the water where it usually was. That was strange. Most locals knew it was unofficially hers, and never took it out to sea. Some irritating tourist had taken it, most likely. With a huff, she began to wander along the dock for another, slightly miffed at the disappearance of her favourite.

At the end of the dock, there was a man squatted in front of a boat, cursing under his breath. Sharon watched in amusement as he continually tried and fail to undo the knot tying it to the dock, listening to his frustration grow. Part of her was tempted to just leave, and let him suffer, but she decided otherwise.

“Need some help?”

The man turned.

“This stupid bo- Sharon?”

He had remembered her name.

With his brow creased and his green eyes shining, Justin looked incredibly handsome. His dark hair was mussed from running his fingers through it. Sharon wanted to smooth it down again, an urge so tender that she nearly blushed at the thought of it.

“Justin. You look a little flustered.”

He ran his hand through his curls once again, smiling. “Yeah, it’s hard not to be when you’re looking at Aphrodite. Are all the girls round here completely gorgeous, or is it just you?”

Sharon laughed. “Are you always this flirty?”

Justin shrugged. “I don’t know. Are you always this beautiful?”

Laughing again, Sharon began to walk closer, sitting on the wood next to Justin and letting her legs dangle into the water below.

“You really think flattery will get you everywhere, don’t you?” She commented, raising one eyebrow. “Pretty bold. You must be feeling smug.”

He winked at her. “Well, in case you didn’t know, flattery has gotten me into not one, but two conversations with a beautiful girl in less than twenty four hours. Honestly, I’m just feeling lucky.”

Justin stopped, tugging at the knot once again before sighing. “And... maybe hoping I’m lucky enough that the beautiful girl will help me with this boat.”

Sharon considered him. “Hmm… I’ll flip a coin. Heads says I’ll help you, tails says I won’t. Let’s see how lucky you really are.”

With a deft flick, she produced a coin from her pocket and tossed it into the seawater below. It landed with a soft plink and began to sink to the bottom. Justin deflated.

“I think your luck may have run out…” Sharon said, pouring as much mock-sympathy into her voice as she could. “I’m sorry things had to turn out this way, but-”

Justin paused her in her tracks. “Nope. My luck never runs out. I’ll find a way.”

Before Sharon could even react, he had slipped off the edge of the dock, plunging himself into the water after the damn coin. The resultant splash managed to utterly soak her, and she shrieked as the cold water hit her skin. He had definitely done that on purpose, and she was definitely going to get him for it later.

A moment later, he resurfaced, with a grin on his face and the coin held between his now-wrinkled fingers. “I got heads! I swear on my life, this coin landed on heads!”

Sharon squeezed the remaining water out of her hair, giggling. “Fernando! Parakaló voithíste aftón ton anóito na ftásei sti várka!”

Fernando looked up from where he was untangling fish hooks from the lines. “Fysiká agápi mou.”

Within moments, he had severed the rope, and the little boat drifted out a little before being pushed back in by the waves. Sharon moved her legs out of the water and rested them onto the edge of the boat to make sure it stayed.

“You speak Greek.” Justin observed. He sounded surprised.

Sharon snorted. “I live in Greece. It’s a custom here to speak the language that you’re taught from birth, you know.”

Justin cracked up. “Alright, touché.”

“No, that’s French. Try again.”

“Shut up!” Justin burst into proper, loud laughter, setting off Sharon into doing the same. “Let me sail, dammit!”

“Hey!” Sharon protested, doubled over. “This is my boat!”

Justin frowned, though his shoulders were still shaking with suppressed giggles. “Oh? I was told this was public use.”

“It is.” Sharon shrugged. “But see that name? On the hull?”

On the side of the little sailboat, in glossy turquoise paint, was ‘Supermodel’, in Raja’s usual perfect cursive. She had been drunk when she did it, if Sharon recalled correctly, and yet it had still come out looking incredible.

“I get it…” Justin said, nodding. “Because you’re a supermodel, right?”

“Now who’s the one that needs to shut up.” Sharon grinned, trying to cover her flushed cheeks. “It’s my band, actually. The Supermodels. We’re playing at the island tonight, I’m pretty sure I remember inviting you to the show.”

Justin scratched the back of his neck, his complexion suddenly matching Sharon’s uncharacteristic blush. “Yeah, you did… I was actually going to find my way to this island, so I can look around and not get lost like a total idiot in front of the beautiful girl, but then…”

“You needed Fernando’s help.” Sharon finished, giggling.

“I needed you.” He corrected her. “Your help.”

Slowly, he lowered himself into the boat, and picked up the oars. “You coming?”

Sharon’s blush rose from her cheeks, covering her entire neck and even her ears. “You’re soaking wet from that dive, Justin.”

“Ah. Right.” He shrugged, and took off his shirt. “Now are you coming?”

Embarrassingly breathless, Sharon nodded. “Sure. I’m in. Seems like your ass is gonna need my help on the island, too. You’re gonna need a guide. Most of them don’t speak English.”

“Just get in, Supermodel.” Justin beckoned her. “It’s not like I can row this thing on my own, anyway. Surely you don’t expect that.”

Despite his joking words, Justin played the gentlemen and insisted on rowing it himself, claiming that it was the least he could do for allowing him to use her boat. Around them, the sea seemed to be glittering, the reflection of the sunlight creating idyllic patterns in the waves that shifted them nearer and nearer to their destination. With no other boats in sight, the atmosphere was utterly serene - as though Sharon and Justin were the only two people in the world.

Sharon was slightly shameless as she admired the real view; Justin had given up entirely on his shirt and was allowing the sun to dry him as he rowed. She could see all of the muscles in his arms rippling as he rowed, and his bare chest rising and falling as he breathed. He wasn’t hugely bulky or muscular, but lean and toned. His hair was still wet, and every so often little droplets would fall and roll down his face.

“Here,” Sharon said quietly, taking the oars as the edge of the island began to appear. “I’ll get us to the shore. It’s beautiful, isn’t it?”

Justin nodded. “Yeah…” He breathed, not turning to look behind him. “Breathtaking.”

As they disembarked, Sharon found a weight lifting from her chest at the feeling of the sand sifting through her toes. She let out a bubble of laughter, uplifted by the freedom her paradisal sanctuary always filled her with. In a moment of pure euphoria, she began to run towards the little village, confident that Justin would be following her.

“You are crazy,” Justin told her, a few paces behind as she came to a stop in the marketplace. “Completely crazy.”

Sharon grinned, unable to keep the smile off her face at their arrival in her favourite place. “So it’s been said.”

He stopped and surveyed the area, taking it all in with an impressive enthusiasm. Sharon almost found herself holding her breath, desperately wanting him to like the place she most often called home. Judging by his expression, however, she had nothing to fear.

“Alright, so you’re my tour guide. What should we do now?” He asked, fluttering his eyelashes. Sharon laughed at his antics and rolled her eyes, thinking.

“There’s shopping, the ice cream stall, the taverna… we could walk…” Sharon listed, not sure which he would prefer. “It’s real easy to waste time around here. I’ve lost hours doing nothing, honestly.”

Justin smiled. “Well, I’d be happy to lose hours if it’s with you. Let’s go look for novelty shirts in here, I love doing that. If we find anything leopard print, it’s mine.”

So that was their first port of call, flicking through racks of clothing and laughing as they pulled out various prints of ludicrous colours and patterns. Justin seemed to have a way of making the littlest of things seem funny, and whether or not that tied in to the excited nervousness Sharon felt around him, she wasn’t sure. All she knew was that he felt safe and he made her laugh like nobody else had before.

“Oh, oh, stop all the clocks. This is it, it’s perfect.” Justin announced, his head visible a couple of rows away in the tiny store. 

Sharon turned, nearly doubling over when she saw the absolute monstrosity he was holding proudly towards her. The dress was just awful, wide and unflattering and patterned with an array of nauseating colours.

“This would look beautiful on you.” He said, deadly serious.

Gasping in mock offense, Sharon shook her head. “I’m more of a dungarees kinda girl, if we’re talking everyday wear. More practical than that thing.”

Justin’s eyes crinkled when he smiled, and Sharon kept noticing it. “Ah, perfect. See, that was my second choice.”

Sure enough, he was soon brandishing a pair of dungarees, admittedly in good quality, that looked to be about her size. Sharon laughed and dismissed him, but soon turned to complaining as he marched to the counter, insisting on buying it for her.

“I can’t believe you just did that!” She lightly whacked his arm as he offered the bag to her, leaning up against the wall outside. “You just spent your holiday money on me! You don’t even know me!”

Justin shrugged. “I know that your name is Sharon, you’re a dungarees kinda girl and you’re my tour guide for the day. You perform in a band called The Supermodels which are playing tonight. I feel like that’s a good start.”

Sharon took the bag, conceding. “You’re weird. All I know about you is that your name is Justin, you’re here on vacation and you’re a total idiot.”

“Hit the nail on the head, really.”

“Shut up.”

“Make me.”

Sharon tried to ignore the flame ignited by those words. “Fine, I will. We’re getting ice cream now, and I’m paying for it.”

They ended up splitting the cost in half at Justin’s insistence, each getting a cone with two scoops. Sharon harshly judged Justin’s choice to get chocolate and vanilla, whilst he dissed her choice of mint chocolate chip with an upturned nose. They shared each other’s cones anyway, though Sharon wasn’t exactly sure how that happened.

Their morning in the marketplace seemed to disappear all too quickly as afternoon approached, prompting everyone to start closing their stalls to get away from the heat. Justin suggested they take a walk to explore the island, so Sharon started to take him towards her favourite spot at the highest point, claiming that it had the best view to really enjoy everything. Somewhere along the way, Justin had nearly tripped on a wedged-in rock and Sharon had grabbed his hand to steady him.

“I never want to leave this place.” Sharon swore fervently, sitting beneath the shade of a tree and staring into the horizon. “Nothing out there can get to me here. I’m safe.”

Justin squeezed her hand, and it was only then that she realized they were even still holding hands. It felt strangely nice as his thumb rubbed soothing circles into her skin.

“What’s so bad out there that you feel the need to escape to here?” He asked. His voice was gentle.

Sharon sighed. “Everything. The way my mom treats me and the life she expects me to lead. The choices I have to make. The fact that my friends are going off to university at the end of this summer, and I was too stupid to even graduate high school. If I stay here, I don’t have to think about being left behind.”

Surprisingly, Justin nodded. “That makes sense. I have a similar situation, to be honest. My whole life is laid out in front of me. I have an amazing job waiting for me, a guaranteed position in the family business, a nice house in a good area…”

“But you don’t want it.”

“Not that. I just… I don’t know anything else. I can’t commit to living in that box when I don’t know what lies outside of it. There has to be more to life than that.”

Sharon bit her lip. “Try being the daughter of the most Catholic woman on the mainland. It’s quite a feat.”

“Touché.” Justin said again, grinning. “I guess we’re both just searching for a purpose, huh.”

“Yeah. God, what a bunch of sad saps we are,” Sharon joked, trying to lighten the mood.

Justin chuckled in agreement.

“How long do you have to find your purpose, anyway? When do you leave?” Sharon almost didn’t want to ask the question, but found her tongue betraying her anyway.

Justin kept his eyes fixed on the sea. “Either in just over a month, or… never. I haven’t decided yet.”

Sharon smiled softly. “I like never. I think we could make never work.”

She stood up, dusting the sand off her clothes and stretching slightly. “There’s one more place I want to show you before we head to the taverna. Follow me.”

Ignoring her unusually elevated heartbeat and flushed red cheeks, Sharon took Justin’s hand once again and began to lead him further up on the island, towards a group of abandoned wood and concrete buildings that stood broken and unused against the flawless backdrop.

Justin seemed complacent to follow as she led him inside, ducking under a partially-collapsed doorway into one of the more structurally-sound rooms. Surprisingly, there was a working fridge in the corner where the kitchen was, with some slightly dusty cutlery and crockery residing next to a sink that habitually dripped water every few seconds. Tucked into another corner was a mattress, covered in towels and a few mismatching blankets and pillows, with an almost threadbare sofa dumped in the middle.

“It’s not much. I tend to stay here when my mom is too much. But this place?” Sharon’s eyes were shining. “It’s gonna be something, someday. I think part of my purpose is to make sure that happens.”

Justin’s eyes crinkled in the corners as he regarded her. “What will you do with the place?”

It felt a little bit like bearing her soul to admit it. Sharon hadn’t even told Raja and Jinkx about it, but something about Justin made her feel safe. Like he would understand exactly what she meant.

“I… I want to make it into a hotel, somehow. This whole area, with its own taverna and restaurant and a courtyard. Hotels are like temporary homes, they’re a safe haven for anyone who needs them - and this place is my safe haven. I’m gonna make it beautiful.”

A look of understanding flashed across Justin’s face. “You could just use this space for storage. Build all the way down to the actual taverna, fill up some of the empty space on the island - the ground is secure enough for it.” He blushed. “I’m, uh, into architecture. It’s one of the reasons I came here to Greece.”

Sharon smiled involuntarily. “I like that. We’ll build it together.”

“Yeah. You and me.”

In her boldest move yet, Sharon took hold of Justin’s face and kissed him, very gently, on the lips. He seemed surprised at first, but soon leant in to deepen the kiss, running a hand through her hair. It felt as though the moment could’ve lasted forever, until Sharon regrettably pulled away. 

“I can’t believe I just did that.”

Justin cupped her face, studying her intently. His gaze made her feel beautiful.

“I liked it.” He told her.

Sharon blushed. “I did too.”

“Alright, come on.” She offered her hand a third time, this time giving it a little squeeze and smiling shyly. “Let’s get to the taverna. If you like music, dancing, drinks and white lycra, you’re gonna love tonight.”

-

Soon enough, Justin became a staple in Sharon’s everyday life. He attended every performance that The Supermodels were doing, whooping and cheering to an almost embarrassing extent as Sharon danced and sang before him. Their time together grew more and more special, the transition from friends to something more seeming like an easy natural progression. He was security personified, a warm hug that she could always find safety in with a laugh that could drive her insane. He was beautiful, he was perfect, and he was all hers.

Every day for two weeks straight, they had been side by side. If Sharon could infer anything from the butterflies in her stomach, it was that she was falling hard for him. There was no safety net, no rope to keep her from tumbling down - it was just Sharon and Justin and that was enough for her.

He had touched Sharon’s heart in such a way that she felt she could only express it through song - a melody of his own to describe how she felt for him. Originally, she had felt embarrassed writing it, but the more she hummed under her breath, thinking of him, the more she was sure it could work. Approaching Raja and Jinkx about it had been easy, and before long, she was stood backstage, giddy about the upcoming performance.

“I hope he loves it.” Sharon said, breathless. She had been pacing their makeshift dressing room behind the taverna’s stage since she had arrived, peeking through the curtain every now and then to see if Justin was still there. He was waiting unfailingly, handsome and patient as can be.

Raja laughed. “If this is what it takes for us to properly meet him again, I’m in. Ready?”

Sharon nodded. Her heart felt as though it would explode as they stepped out, despite the cheering of the little gathered crowd. This was the rawest, realest song she had ever written. Justin would know immediately that she was wearing her heart on her sleeve, hoping he would stay.

They locked eyes as she brought the mic to her lips for her first line. “Kisses of fire…”

Maybe her honesty was a little too on the nose, but Sharon had no time to worry about it now. She could feel Justin’s eyes on her the entire time, and nothing else in the room mattered other than him. He was alone, watching her, taking in every word as though it were gospel from her lips. In bearing her soul, she told him how the thought of losing him was a nightmare, and how she’d never felt so strongly before in her life.

“I’m at the point of no returning,

Kisses of fire, sweet devotion,

Caught in a landslide of emotion…”

“Thank you so much everybody!” Raja and Jinkx yelled, Sharon too wrapped up in Justin’s gaze to notice the screams and shouts of everybody else. They tackled her with their usual post-show hugs and she simply let them, her chest heaving as she gazed into his eyes.

Sat at the table closest to the stage in the taverna, one hand wrapped around his pint glass, Justin was smiling up at her on the stage. Sharon was so exhilarated from the performance that her heart felt like it was going to beat out of her chest; she was more than happy to collapse into his arms and let him hold her for a while.

“The girls were begging, so…” Sharon dragged Justin towards them, ensuring he kept his arms around her as they moved. “Raja, Jinkx, this is Justin. Now you get a proper introduction.”

Justin extended a hand politely. “It’s a pleasure to meet you. Again, I guess.”

“The pleasure is all mine, handsome. And what a lot of pleasure it is,” Raja shook it, her voice dripping with honey. Jinkx laughed.

“Back off, Raj. He’s mine.” Sharon giggled as Jinkx shook his hand.

Raja held up her hands in mock defeat. “Alright, alright, lovebirds, get out of here and take your heart eyes somewhere else. Sharon, baby, do everything I would do.”

Jinkx pulled a face. “Well - almost everything.”

Both Justin and Sharon laughed appreciatively as they began to walk away, wrapped up in one another. Sharon was curled into his side, out of breath and overwhelmed.

“You were amazing, love.” Justin said, and she could hear the grin in his soft tone without even looking at his face.

She couldn’t help but smile as she eased herself out of his embrace, taking his hand and beginning to pull him out of the taverna. Near the beach was a small row of cabins, one of which Sharon favoured and took good care of, so that she could stay there when the weather permitted - as the storms sometimes drove her away from the beach and inland to the shack at the top. She knew they would be undisturbed in her little beach cabin.

“Kiss me,” She breathed, pulling him inside and pushing the door shut with her foot. “Please.”

“If you insist.” Justin replied.

Sharon let out a soft noise as Justin pressed her against the wall, kissing her with a subdued hunger that made her want to melt. His hands were strong on her hips, keeping her pinned as she kissed back with an eagerness that she was almost a bit embarrassed of, one of her hands on his waist and the other tangling in his dark curls and pulling him closer to her. He was gentle, but his kisses tasted like fire, his tongue a hot flame licking into her mouth and making her weak in the knees.

She pulled back for a moment to tug at the hem of his shirt, and he lifted his arms to allow her to remove it before he resumed his passionate exploration of her mouth. Sharon's hands moved to his chest, admiring his muscles and how soft his skin was, how warm and inviting. Justin maneuvered her carefully to the bed, laying her down against the pillows and pulling away to look down at her with a soft smile.

“What's that look for?” she asked.

“Nothing,” he answered, “You're just so beautiful.”

Sharon felt herself blushing, warmth spreading over her cheeks as she withered under his gaze. “Shut up,” she grumbled, trying to pull him down for another kiss, but he wouldn't budge. Instead, he trailed his fingertips along her collarbone and ran his thumb across her bottom lip, his eyes shining before he leaned down. Sharon's world was set alight again when Justin kissed her once more, an incredible warmth building between her thighs. She had no doubt or fear in her mind as she pulled her arms out of the sleeves of her dress; she was more than ready.

“You don't have to-” Justin began as he saw her push the top half of her dress down to her waist, then he stopped speaking altogether. “Oh, fuck, you're gorgeous… Can I?” His hands hovered in the air and she nodded with a soft smile, encouraging him to cup her breasts gently and rub his thumbs over her nipples, stiff now that they were exposed. Sharon inhaled shakily as his lips moved to kiss down her chest, still circling her nipples as he sucked lightly at the sensitive flesh of her breast. It was nothing like she'd ever felt before and she was so, so sensitive, every small touch from Justin sending a new wave of heat through her body. 

“God, fuck, that feels really good,” she gasped, letting out a little squeak when his tongue lapped at her nipple and his lips closed around it, sucking gently. “Shit, Justin…” He looked up at her with a smile, running a hand through his hair.

“You like that?” he asked, his voice soft and husky and so sexy that Sharon could've died on the spot. She nodded demurely, her head clouded with desire and a thousand things she'd never felt before. “We don't have to go further than this if you're not ready,” he added quietly. Sharon shook her head.

“I'm ready,” she said, and she meant it. Every cell in her body was screaming for Justin, for her to touch him and kiss him and be close to him; she wanted him more than she'd ever wanted anyone. “Just… remember that I've never done this before,” she requested, flushed.

Justin smiled warmly, kissing her cheek. “I'll guide you through it, baby. I promise.”

Sharon nodded and watched with half-lidded eyes as he undid his belt and slid his trousers off, kicking them away before moving back to kiss her again. Her flowing dress usually made her feel light and free but in this moment it was constricting, a barrier between her and Justin. It had to go. She pushed it further down, over her hips and all the way down her legs until she could toss it to the floor and wrap her legs around Justin's hips.

Her mother's version of sex education had been to tell Sharon that making love was a sacred act between a married couple, performed only to produce a child. Raja and Jinkx had just told her to “go with the flow,” so she really couldn't have been much more clueless. Still, it seemed as though her body was finding a natural rhythm in the way that she rocked her hips against Justin's; it felt wonderful and unfamiliar and absolutely amazing. Still, it wasn't enough-- two layers of fabric still separated them, and it was clear that Justin was taking it much slower with her than he'd like to, in the interest of ensuring her comfort.

“What do you want, love?” he asked sweetly, his voice low in her ear. Sharon couldn't help but whine.

“Touch me,” she insisted, “Need you.”

Justin nodded, hooking his long fingers in the waistband of her sensible cotton panties and slowly, slowly dragging them down her legs. When they were off, she squirmed a little, feeling exposed and a bit self-conscious. No one had ever seen her like this.

“Would it help if I took mine off too?” he offered with another dazzling smile. Sharon nodded, and soon he was just as naked as she was. Her eyes widened as she took in the sight of him, and he flushed when her gaze remained firmly glued between his legs.

“Holy...” she whispered, still staring in awe at him. Justin's cheeks reddened; while he wasn't a vain man, he was aware that he was rather well-endowed. He was also more aroused than he'd ever been in his life at the thought of being with Sharon, this goddess who walked the earth and had the voice of an angel and kissed him like a woman starved.

“Can I touch you?” he whispered. Sharon bit her lip, her blue eyes filled with hazy lust as she nodded and spread her legs. Justin inhaled softly, completely and utterly spellbound by the beautiful woman before him. He leaned down to kiss her sweetly, trailing a hand along her inner thigh and moving closer and closer to where she wanted his hand to be. He stroked the soft blonde curls between her legs, and then he trailed his index finger down over her seam with the lightest of touches. Sharon let out a soft noise against his mouth, a little sigh of pleasure that grew into a dirty whimper as he lightly rubbed two fingers over her outer lips before running them between her folds. 

“You're so wet,” he said softly, a smile playing on his perfect lips as he continued to run his fingers between her sensitive inner labia. She flushed.

“Is that… is that a good thing?” she asked, a little nervous. Justin chuckled fondly.

“It's a very good thing,” he promised, moving his thumb to circle a spot that made Sharon's legs shake unexpectedly. She whimpered again, louder this time, as he touched her there again and pleasure surged through her veins. “Does that feel nice?”

“So fucking nice,” she breathed, arching her back as the tip of his finger circled her entrance.

“Can I go inside, baby?” he murmured, lips brushing the corner of her mouth. She felt a little thrum of anxiety at the newness of it all and the good old Catholic fear of no longer being a virgin, but she voiced her consent all the same. Religion was the last thing on her mind right now-- nothing could be sinful when it felt this right. Justin kissed her deeply as he eased the tip of his index finger into her, meeting a bit of resistance. “You doing okay?”

“I'm fine,” she insisted, “I need more.”

Justin let out a soft laugh at that, kissing her lips. “Needy girl,” he teased, sliding deeper inside her and gently crooking his finger up against her soft inside against the spot he knew would make stars burst behind her eyelids. Sure enough, she let out a shaky whimper against his lips, and he continued to work her sweetly until she was ready for a second finger. Her walls grasped around his fingers greedily, never quite satisfied, and she was trembling and moaning by the time he filled her with three.

“Justin,” she begged, tears gathering at the corners of her eyes at how good she felt, so small and delicate and safe in his arms. “I want you,” she whispered, “I want all of you.”

“You have all of me,” he promised, carefully withdrawing his fingers to line up with her entrance. “Are you ready for me, baby? You can say no. We can stop.”

“More than ready,” she mumbled. “Need you.”

His lips found hers again as he slowly, carefully pressed into her warmth, kissing her so tenderly she thought she might melt. It was almost overwhelming, the slickness of his cock and the warmth of his mouth and the stretch she felt as he slowly, slowly, slowly filled her, inch by delicious inch. Nothing in the world had ever felt this good, she was sure of it, for the way his tongue danced over her lips and his hands stroked her skin felt like heaven on earth. He was so gentle and caring with her, treating her like she was something precious, and she felt nothing but bliss as he bottomed out.

“Fuck,” she gasped, “You're so big.”

Instantly an expression of worry fell over his handsome features. “Are you okay?” he asked frantically. She laughed, breathless, taking his hands in hers and nodding.

“I'm fine. I feel… fuck, I feel amazing. I feel so good, baby, hgn.” Justin chuckled, shaking a curl out of his face and leaning down to brush his lips against hers.

“Are you okay if I start moving?” he murmured against her cheek, trying his hardest not to be overwhelmed by the feeling of her around him. Sharon let out a soft whimper as she felt his thumb ghost over her clit, and moaned out loud when her involuntary clench made her squeeze around him. Justin seemed equally affected by this, his head tipping back slightly and a whispery moan leaving his lips.

“Fuck, yes, please start moving,” she begged, pulling his body against hers and placing a trail of sloppy kisses down his neck. “Need you to fuck me.” Justin bit his lip at the words, nodding as he pulled back slightly before pushing back in. As he continued the pattern, starting to thrust into Sharon slowly, he kept his eyes on her face for any sign of discomfort from her. There were none, however, and he looked on fondly as pleasure painted itself over Sharon's features.

“You're beautiful,” he murmured as he picked up the pace, and watched a rosy blush appear on her cheeks.

“You too,” she replied, her voice a strained whimper from trying not to make too much noise. Justin noticed, and moved a hand up to lightly squeeze one of her breasts.

“You can make as much noise as you want to, Sharon,” he told her, purposefully punctuating his sentence with a hard thrust that made her cry out.

“Fuck! Justin, baby, do that again,” she pleaded, and moaned loudly when he complied. “Holy shit, you feel so fucking good…”

Justin smiled. “Watch your language, missy,” he teased, and Sharon's responding laugh was cut short by a long, high-pitched whine as Justin repeatedly hit the spot inside her that made her head spin. He was still rubbing her clit with his thumb, his movements starting to get messier as he neared the edge, and he attached his lips to Sharon's neck in order to stifle his whimpers as ecstasy overtook his senses..

Sharon gasped as she felt him beginning to unravel, still working sloppy circles around her bud and thrusting his hips into her, and she felt her whole body tensing up. Nothing had ever felt so amazing, no one had ever made her feel this good before, she'd never experienced anything even close to this. She bucked her hips desperately and Justin chuckled against her neck, speeding up to push them both to the precipice. Sharon felt the coil snap and let out a long cry as she was completely engulfed by pleasure unlike anything she'd ever known, holding Justin close to her and hugging him tight. Justin swore under his breath as he too fell over the edge, praising her name as he filled her and she became the only person in the world, the only feeling in the world.

“God,” Sharon choked out as she came down from her high, “Fuck. Oh my god, Justin, fuck.” He laughed, carefully pulling out and flopping down beside her, running his fingers through her hair.

“So, not too bad?” he joked. She attempted to give him a venomous look, but her swollen lips and flushed cheeks stopped her from looking anything but adorable. “You're fucking amazing, Sharon, I mean that.”

Sharon bit back a smile, moving so that she could fit into his arms and press against him tightly. He wrapped his arms around her, one hand resting on her abdomen, and for the first time in her life, Sharon had an overwhelming feeling that this was her home. Justin was her home.

-

Raja and Jinkx seemed to cotton on extremely quickly that Sharon’s blossoming relationship with Justin was no ordinary fling, as theirs often were. From the moment she had told them about their night together, her eyes shining like she’d entered an entirely new world, they could tell she had changed. She was brighter, happier, filled with a lust for life that she had never had before. Even with the rest of their nights together - as mindless and animalistic or as soft and tender as she described - were tinged with an atmosphere of love, a gentleness that suggested they truly cared about one another.

When they were together, Sharon felt whole. She could be her authentic self and he loved every part of her, devoted all of his time to her. Every night, he made the trip across from the mainland to the island to watch the girls perform, and every night, after their passionate lovemaking in her cabin, he escorted Sharon home too. He was ever the gentleman. 

“One hell of a show, don’t you think?” Sharon’s voice was breathless. She almost collapsed into his arms, tipsy and giggling as he caught her.

Justin grinned. “One hell of a costume. You look like a star.”

She winked. “Justin, you flatter me. You think white’s my colour?”

Justin threw back his head and laughed. “As if. White is for angels, and you’re certainly not one of those. I could see you in red, like the devil… but white is nice in this instance.”

“White for purity,” Sharon mocked. “Like a white wedding! God, could you imagine? Me in some stupid huge gown with a veil to show my virginal goodness?”

At that, both of them snorted. The night was dark, lit up by strings of lights across the open bar. It felt like the kind of night where anything was possible. Where love and life and light intermingled freely, barred by nothing. A warm summer breeze blew Sharon’s hair away from her face.

“Here comes the bride, all dressed in whiteee…” Justin sang, twirling Sharon around before pulling her into his chest. “You’re no bride, are you?”

She shook her head, kissing under his jaw. “Never. I think you’re crazy if you think marriage is cool. I think I’d get bored. The girls and I always say that marriage is an institution… for people who belong in an institution.”

Justin shifted, so both his arms were wrapped around Sharon from behind. She relaxed into him.

“I’m hurt, Needles. I suppose you’re too much of a rockstar, huh.” He jabbed her in the side, and she squealed, ticklish.

“If you don’t give me a reason to get bored and leave, then I won’t.” She told him.

Justin smiled. “If you keep singing in outfits like this, I’ll never leave. There’s no way I could get bored of this.”

“Good.” Sharon twisted, tilting her head so she could meet his lips in a sweet kiss. “I don’t ever want you to leave. I want you to stay here with me, forever.”

She sighed, her euphoric mood dropping slightly. “I don’t want to go home tonight. I don’t want tonight to end. I want to stay here and build a brand new life. I can’t go back there.”

Justin kissed her hand. “Patience, love. I’ll take you home, and then you can tell your mom that you’re staying with Raja for the weekend. Then I can have you all to myself.”

Sharon hummed. “I like that idea… If only we had longer. For you to make your choice.”

As quickly as she could, Sharon ducked into the bathroom in Maria’s tavern and changed, swapping her sequined lycra and outlandish makeup for her dungarees - the very ones he had bought for her. Justin smiled softly at her bare face, slightly pink from scrubbing, and wrapped his arms around her as they left.

They rowed leisurely, watching in fascination how the moonlight danced along the surface of the water. Every moment they spent together felt perfect. Nothing could go wrong, and Sharon knew it from the bottom of her heart. They were timeless.

Back on the mainland, Justin pulled Sharon close to him, walking with her held safely in his embrace. She leaned into him, her heart twisting painfully as they approached her house. Going inside meant another end to another perfect night. It meant having to say goodbye, having to wait the duration of a long night alone before she could see him again. It meant having to hide the blurry photographs they had taken together, for fear that her mother would walk in and find them as she lay there wishing he was beside her. Going inside meant letting go of her paradise, just for a while.

“I can’t.” She whispered, turning and burying her face in Justin’s shirt. He stroked her back, gently soothing her as he stared at the path leading to her front door.

“You can.” He promised. “You’re the strongest person I know. And tomorrow morning, as early as you can stand it, I’ll be there at the docks, waiting for you.”

Sharon sniffled.

“I know, I know.” He said softly. “I don’t want to let go either. I’ll spend all night in that stupid hotel bed, wishing it was your cabin by the sea with you there next to me. But if we just hang in there-”

She cut him off. “I love you.”

“Then we can- what?”

“I love you.” She repeated, lifting her slightly-teary face from out of Justin’s shirt so that her voice was no longer muffled by the fabric. “I love you.”

It was Justin’s turn to be overcome with tears. His eyes shone in the moonlight as he dabbed under his eyes, never tearing his gaze away from Sharon’s face.

“God… I love you too. I love you so much, Sharon. I love you… more than anything.”

With a wry smile, she pulled away, her hand lingering in his for just a moment too long before she turned her back. Before letting her leave, he kissed her forehead and whispered inaudible encouragement to her, not wanting the moment to pass.

“Goodnight, Justin.”

Then he was gone, heading back to his own hotel room as Sharon climbed the stairs, the judgement of all the crosses and Jesus figures heavier than ever. The rosary that hung on Sharon’s bedpost glared at her as she sat in front of her mirror, silently noting the bruises left by Justin’s heated kisses on her neck and chest.

Despite the darkness that came with being at home, Sharon’s heart felt light. She was in love, and ahead of her lay a weekend of just her and Justin, alone together. In the past six weeks, he had entered her life and turned everything upside-down. Her heart, her soul, her dreams - everything belonged to him. The carefree nature within her had finally been unlocked, properly accessed by somebody who truly cared about her. Everything was indescribably perfect.

-

Fernando had warned Sharon that a storm was on the way. She had no idea how he knew - the sky was as clear as it had ever been, the sea as tranquil and calm as she had ever seen it - but he insisted.

“Deep trouble.” He had said, in his broken English. “Protect self.”

Bizarrely, the man was never wrong, so Sharon decided to trust him. Rather than her little cabin on the beach, she trekked up to the shack at the top of the island, tugging on Justin’s hand in an attempt to get him to match her speed. In the end, he quelled her excitement by simply sweeping her off of her feet and carrying her bridal-style for the rest of the way. Despite the demands to be set free amid her squeals and giggles, Justin didn’t relent until they had reached the shack, kissing the tip of her nose as he placed her down.

“You are so ridiculous.” She told him.

“I love you too.” He blew a kiss in response, which Sharon pretended to catch as they walked inside, Justin wheeling his suitcase behind him.

“So,” He commented, leaving it open beside the mattress as he stretched himself out upon it. “This is our romantic hideaway for the weekend.”

Sharon flopped down next to him, shoving him for his dumb remarks. “Hey! Give me ten years and this place will be golden.”

Above them, half of the stairwell crumbled and landed in splintered piles of wood in the middle of the floor. Justin snickered.

“Alright! Maybe twenty years. Whatever.” Sharon laughed. “God, the sooner I make this place liveable… we don’t ever have to leave. You, and me… we could stay here forever.”

She shifted, curling her body against Justin’s and snuggling into his arms. Instinctively, he pulled her close and wrapped his arms around her, burying his face into her hair.

“This is nice,” He said, his voice muffled. “You and me, alone together.”

Sharon hummed contentedly in response.

“It’s a shame we’re gonna be here for so long, though…” He teased, rubbing up and down her back. “How on earth are we gonna fill all this time?”

In all honesty, they both knew that all the time in the world would never be enough for them. It seemed that an eternity would never be enough to satisfy them, their needs, their sexual desire and insatiable need to discover everything about the other. Sharon wanted to hold him, to feel him inside her, to feel him gripping onto her hips like a lifeline. She wanted to know his deepest secrets, to be there to wipe his tears away, to see the good, bad and ugly of Justin. She knew she would love all parts of him, if only they had the time to share it all. 

“I have a few ideas,” She breathed, slotting her leg between his thighs. “A whole weekend of this.”

She slowly leaned down, kissing him softly. He smelt like home and his hands instantly moved, one cupping her ass and the other holding her face close to his. 

“I,” He panted, “Love,” he kissed her neck, “You.”

They’d said it before, but every time he said those words it felt like the first time. Sharon shivered with pleasure, the sensation a blissful mixture of his words and his touch. 

Many times they had been rough, bordering on vicious as the desperation to feel the other had consumed them, leaving dark bruises from searing kisses on sensitive skin. They’d left marks from the tightness of their grips, or laid out of breath after what could only be described as a fit of passion, but this time was different. This time was slower, softer, gentler. It would grow rougher with time but for now, it was sweet and tender. Sharon smiled into every kiss, freely coming undone with Justin’s touch.

“My love,” Justin breathed, kissing along her stomach as he made his way up to meet her lips. “My life… God. I am so in love with you.”

“No God,” Sharon arched her back in pleasure. “Just you. Just you and me, no one else.”

Justin pressed a soft kiss to her forehead. “Just me and you. Forever.”


	3. Chapter 3

It was Sunday.

Sharon stretched, acutely aware of the man lying next to her, wearing as little as she was. It was Sunday, and she wasn’t going to church. Nobody was going to force her out of bed, shouting about how she was a useless daughter, a waste of space. Nobody was going to judge her hair, her clothes, her very existence. She was wearing nothing, doing nothing, and she felt happier than she had in a long time.

It was the familiar bright sunshine that had woken her, streaming in through the gaps in the roof of the little shack and warming her bare skin. As far as she could see, it hadn’t rained in the night. The prophesied storm that Fernando had warned her about didn’t seem to have arrived. Perhaps, this once, he had been mistaken.

She rolled over and stretched again, taking care not to knock into Justin. He was sound asleep still, looking as enchanting as he had the previous night. Having taken to stealing his clothes when he slept, she felt around for the pleasingly soft fabric and wrapped it around herself, doing the buttons up all wrong in her sleepy haze. It smelt like his cologne, and made her giddy.

Pulling herself up, Sharon padded gently across the floor, stepping onto the remains of the rotted wooden veranda in order to look out on the island. A few years prior, she had been able to climb the staircase and peer out from the balcony, but most of the upstairs had simply collapsed with age. Luckily, from the height of where the shack was situated, the veranda was more than good enough to see everything. If she stood on her tiptoes, she could see as far as the beach, where the waves lapped gently at the shore as the tide washed in and out. Memories of romantic walks along the sand filled her mind, the sound of the sea providing the perfect gentle background for their nights together in the little cabin.

“People pay for this, you know,” Justin had said. “A sea view, being able to hear it coming in and out from their hotel rooms. People pay hundreds. We use this cabin for free.”

Sharon had smiled, utterly maxed out. “You should be grateful. You’re the only one.”

She bit back a remark, knowing now wasn’t the time to let him know that she wanted it to stay that way. It would only take one choice for him to stay the only one - her only one - forever. He always clammed up when the subject was mentioned, clearly not ready. Sharon wanted him to be ready more than anything. She needed him.

“Mmm… what a view.”

Justin’s voice came from behind her, husky with sleep, as he enveloped her in his arms. Sharon leaned back, sinking comfortably in his embrace. He began peppering kisses on her bare shoulder, where his shirt had slipped off her frame, and turned her around so she could face him. Her stomach fluttered.

“You look good in my shirt.”

Sharon smiled. “You look good without a shirt.”

“Is that so?” Justin raised an eyebrow, quickly converting his sarcasm into a grin. “Mmm, now who’s the flatterer? You want something from me?”

Sharon buried her face into the crook of his neck, inhaling the intoxicating scent of Justin and his cologne and his sweat. She felt so impossibly safe in his arms.

“Just you.” She said, her voice muffled against his skin. “I just want you.”

Justin hummed. “Baby, I’m all yours. You know that.”

“Please stay.” Sharon’s voice was so low it was practically a whisper. “My future won’t be so lonely if you’re in it.”

She waited, but Justin said nothing. He simply held her tighter than before, a subconscious message that he would never let her go. It wasn’t much, but it was enough. Slowly, she lifted her head away from his tight embrace and kissed him, relaxing against the familiar comfort of his lips. 

A few moments later, they pulled apart, Justin pressing a kiss to the top of her head before walking off to find a shirt. Sharon watched him, unashamedly admiring his body as he dressed. 

“I didn’t want to ruin the moment, but I’m so hungry…” He admitted, laughing. “I think I’m gonna run down and get us something. Breakfast in bed, yeah?”

Sharon giggled. “Neither of us are in bed. We don’t even have a bed - it’s a mattress on the floor. We’re not exactly living in a honeymoon suite, babe.”

Justin grinned. “Well, get back in bed and use your imagination. I won’t be long.”

He kissed her cheek as he went past, hurriedly stuffing his wallet into the pocket of his shorts and heading down the path from the shack. Once again, Sharon watched him until he was out of sight, his head disappearing below the scenic greenery that shrouded so much of the island. It hit her all at once, almost, the extent of the hold that he had on her. She never wanted him out of her sight for longer than he had to be. She knew, somehow, that he belonged with her. He just needed to make the choice to stay. They didn’t have long.

Sighing, she wandered back inside, brushing the sand off her feet from where she had been stood on the veranda. Justin’s suitcase was open, his clothes and Sharon’s strewn far from the little leather case that was supposed to contain it. As she recalled, they hadn’t been particularly worried where their garments would end up - all they had cared about was that they were off.

Crouching down, she peered at the array of shirts that had managed to remain in the suitcase, smiling at the quirky patterns that all seemed so intrinsically Justin. Clearly, he had packed for a long trip.

What really made her blush was the photographs he had left lying on top of his belongings - a few shots of Sharon on the beach, smiling and dancing in the sunset, and a couple of her laughing on the boat as the sun seemed to shine only for them. Turning them over, she saw he had written her name on the back of each one, adding dates and little hearts. Her own heart fluttered in her chest.

Sharon wasn’t sure she had ever looked so happy as she did in his pictures. There was a twinkle in her eye, a smile that conveyed genuine sincerity rather than a forced picture of happiness. Every shot was candid, as though Justin had simply wanted to capture every moment as it happened. She gathered the photos into a little pile.

Beneath them was a book - maybe a photo album - bound in expensive-looking brown leather and edged with gold. Perhaps he was planning to add her to the album, immortalizing her in his memories. She hadn’t planned to look, but the curiosity got the better of her, and Sharon soon found herself leafing through the thin plastic pages at the photographs.

There were lots of pictures of Justin with his parents, telling of a family relationship much stronger than Sharon’s. In most of them he was smiling, ever handsome and sweet as he stood next to his mom. His hometown - hell, his family home - it all seemed very normal, very regular. Everything about his life seemed picture-perfect and beautiful; it was no wonder he was looking for something new. He hadn’t been lying - he really hadn’t known anything else.

There is a place for you, she thought, gazing at a photo of him from just a year ago. Here, with me, on a little island in Greece. We can be so happy together.

She turned the page and stopped dead.

The girl was pretty, in a conventional, normal way. She had neat blonde curls pinned back to her tiny head, just gracing the edges of her face. Her eyes were blue and bright, everything about her was petite and perfect and pretty. In one photo she was hugging Justin, dressed in a sweet lilac dress. In another, she was kissing him.

Sharon swallowed. The girl was pressing her perfect pink lips to Justin’s cheek, an ecstatic smile on his face. There was another lipstick mark on his other cheek, but it was covered up by some white text layered over the top, which read ‘Congratulations!’

Underneath, in someone else’s handwriting - stupidly neat, swirly cursive handwriting that looked like it belonged to some stupid perfect girl - it read ‘Save the date! 14th August - Justin and Courtney!’

Unable to take any more, Sharon slammed the book shut. It was the last photograph anyway - Justin and his beautiful fianceé, a girl he clearly loved and cared about. She was everything Sharon’s mother wanted her to be - neat and petite and perfect and everything she would never, ever manage to be.

It was all too clear; too painfully, heartbreakingly clear. Sharon had just been the whirlwind fling to keep him busy before he went back home for his wedding. Of course he’d had no intention of staying with her. Why would he want to? Sharon had nothing. No home, no direction in life, nothing to offer but her love and her devotion. Courtney clearly had it all.

At that very moment, Sharon heard the door to the shack opening, signalling Justin’s return. It was only then that she realized her face was wet with tears, a silent angry portrayal of her heartbreak. She was glad that her back was turned away from him, lest she see his face and be tempted to forgive him.

“Sharon! Babe, I wanted to get us some of those weird pastries we tried last week but they didn’t have any, so I went out and picked us some oranges so we can have-”

Sharon cut him off mid-sentence, cursing herself for how shaky her voice sounded. “Are you engaged?”

Justin faltered. “What?”

“Are. You. Engaged?”

She turned, standing up to look at him properly. Her eyes were so blurry with tears that she could only make out his shape, which was beginning to move closer to her.

“Don’t you dare come near me!” She almost screeched, Justin stopping in his tracks. “I asked you a question and for once I don’t want you to fucking lie to me. Are you engaged to that beautiful girl?”

A deep breath. A sigh. “Y-Yes.”

Sharon inhaled sharply. “Do you love her?”

“Sharon-”

“No! No, you don’t get to do this! Listen to me!”

“Sharon, please-”

“Do you love her?” Somehow, through her tears. Sharon managed to speak as calmly as possible - sounding almost dangerous. A few seconds passed, and Justin remained silent. Then he closed his eyes, looking crestfallen. 

“How… How could I?” He managed. 

Sharon crossed her arms. “Exactly what I was thinking. How could you?” She paused, relishing in the power the anger had given her. It was all that was keeping her on her feet, after all. “I asked a question and you avoided the answer. Do you love her?”

Nothing. The bastard said nothing. 

“Fine. Too difficult a question for you, clearly. One more, then. Were you going to tell me?” Sharon wiped at her eyes furiously, blinking back the onslaught of tears to try and get a proper look at Justin. The oranges had dropped to the floor and his hands hung limp at his sides, his face red and his eyes filled with tears. He had the audacity to look upset, a fact which only enraged Sharon further.

“Please, Sharon, I can explain-” Justin tried once more.

“You’ve done enough explaining.” Sharon said coldly. “Back at home you have a beautiful woman waiting for you and I was just the naive little harlot who you lied to and used just to get your kicks while you were away.”

“I’m sorry,” He tried, sounding utterly desperate.

Sharon saw red, her eyes flashing with fury. “Sorry?! Sorry?! Well that’ll fix everything, won’t it?! It’s all okay now, because you’re sorry!”

“Sharon, I-”

“Don’t say my name! Jesus fucking Christ, don’t say my name. Say hers instead! You’re engaged!”

Justin knuckled at his eyes - those stupid, mesmerising eyes - as he let his tears fall. “Please, please forgive me. I…”

He trailed off at Sharon’s expression, a picture of hopelessness written across her face. “What reason have you given me to forgive you? Everything you’ve said has been a lie.”

In one final plea, Justin walked towards his suitcase, picking it up and looking Sharon in the eyes. “Listen, I-”

“All I’ve done is listen.” Sharon murmured, her voice impossibly soft. The tears continued to fall, and somehow she knew Justin was itching to wipe them away. “Whilst you told me all your beautiful lies. You told me I was special, I made you feel different. You took everything from me because I gave it willingly. My heart, my fucking virginity. And you… I’ve had enough. I never want to see you again.” She took a deep breath, building up as much courage as she could in her state. “Get off my island. Don’t ever come back.”

She deflated. “How could you do this to me, Justin?”

Justin fell silent. 

“Get out.”

Just like that, the love of her life was gone.

Perhaps Fernando had been right, after all. A storm had been coming. It just wasn’t the storm she had expected.

Sharon sank to her knees and cried, letting out agonisingly loud sobs as she pummelled her fists into the mattress, wishing more than anything that she had never found out. He was never going to stay - that ship had sailed along with him, aboard as a passenger - but at the very least, her heartbreak wouldn’t have been so severe. She was the other woman. She meant nothing to him.

She wasn’t enough to make him stay. 

-

Raja opened at the first knock.

“Sharon? You’re early, I thought we were meeting at five.”

Sniffing, Sharon tugged her shirt tighter around her body, realizing with a mixture of disgust and sadness that it was Justin’s. “Raja, why do boys lie?”

Raja’s gaze softened. “To fool us into thinking they’re worth loving.” She stepped forwards to hug Sharon, sensing the severity of the situation immediately and squeezing her tight.

“Why do we fall for it?” She choked out.

Sighing, Raja ushered Sharon inside, deftly closing the door behind her without letting go. “Because we want them to love us the way we love them. I’m so sorry, sweetheart.”

Making no effort to fight back, Sharon let Raja drag her into the kitchen, hoisting her onto one of the expensive glass stools and immediately beginning to fix her some kind of fruity cocktail. Moments later, Jinkx appeared from around the corner, one hand curled around a drink of her own.

“Hey Sharon! Oh. You’re crying.” She observed, looking to Raja for help.

Sharon shrugged, too devastated to react properly. “Yeah. I am.”

Raja frowned sympathetically. “It’s alright, sweetheart, we’ve got you. She’s having some boy complications.”

She passed the drink across the breakfast bar to Sharon. Against her better judgement, she took a long sip from the paper straw, letting the cool alcohol soothe her hoarse throat.

“It’s not complicated. Not at all. It’s as simple as it could possibly be.” 

“Justin has a girlfriend?” Raja guessed, her tone laced with sympathy.

Sharon shook her head, trying to ignore the lump in her throat. “A fianceé.”

“No!” Raja gasped, at the same time that Jinkx let out a shocked, “Oh shit…”

As if it wasn’t painful enough already, admitting things out loud had only intensified the white-hot pain that had been gripping Sharon’s chest since that morning. Saying it aloud made it all real. Justin was engaged. He really was gone, for good. 

Six weeks of her life had been wasted on a one-sided romance that she had been sure meant something to him as well as her. She had given him her trust, her heart, even her virginity - laying all her faith in him to love her as she so desperately loved him. Then he’d ripped off her rose-tinted glasses and left, leaving her with nothing but his stupid shirt and memories that she would never be able to forget.

“He’s gone back home to marry her. She’s beautiful.” Sharon murmured bitterly, and pushed her drink anyway. In truth, she felt nauseous - sickened by Justin’s betrayal. To think that she had trusted him for so long, that she had let him take her heart… now she was paying the price for it.

“Nowhere near as beautiful as you.” Jinkx said fiercely, swiping the drink away from her and forcefully chugging it, as Raja plucked a flower from the vase and tucked it into Sharon’s hair. “We should find you a rebound. Take your mind off him and how he royally fucked you over.”

Sharon crumpled, feeling the all too familiar sting of tears pricking her eyes once again. Raja sighed exasperatedly, moving round the breakfast bar to rub Sharon’s back. Jinkx had taken to gently patting her cheek, lovingly unaware of how to properly comfort her.

“Nice one, Jinkx. Ten out of ten on the sensitivity, there. I really don’t think she wants to be thinking about men right now.” Raja huffed.

Jinkx shook her head. “Raj, that’s the beauty of being straight!” She insisted. “With guys, you can easily find a rebound. Girls, though? We just want to fall in love. That’s why being a lesbian sucks.”

“Oh, please,” Raja responded, though there was a hint of a smile in her voice, telling of her amusement. “This isn’t about you, anyway. This is about Sharon.”

“Right.” Jinkx agreed, taking her hand. “I know it hurts now. But it’ll get easier, and we’re here for you. I take it tonight is cancelled?”

Sharon nodded weakly. “I don’t think I can sing about love when - when I’m not feeling it.”

“No worries,” Raja said warmly. “We can have a girls night in. I think we’re in need.”

With a little bit of wheedling and persuasion, as she was so apt at doing, Raja had managed to convince Sharon’s mom that she should stay the night, under the guise of having some new films to binge. After that it had been easy to gather in Raja’s home cinema - which of course, belonged solely to her, being a rich only child - with everything they could possibly need. They had stocked up on popcorn, alcohol, and just about every kind of pampering and preening that had been invented. As they watched the films, the sun setting around them, each had a face mask of various colours and ingredients on, fingernails and toenails painted, and legs red-raw from waxing. It was one of those nights where Sharon knew she was supposed to be happy, but she wasn’t.

“BOO!” Jinkx yelled towards the TV, Raja echoing her sentiment and Sharon half-heartedly joining in. “BORING! HE’S TOTALLY GAY!”

The protagonist of the rom-com was declaring his love for the pretty girl in front of an altar, where she was supposed to be getting married to the antagonist of the film. Sharon wished her friends had had the sense to stray from romantic films, but she knew they were a little too drunk to have noticed.

“Marriage is an institution!” Raja sulked, tossing a piece of popcorn towards the drippy protagonist. 

Sharon nodded. “For people who belong in an institution.”

She hadn’t meant to be funny, but both of her friends cracked up instantly, cackling so hard that it prompted her to do the same. Although she was by no means cheered up, it was nice to be in the company of her friends, able to feel the raw pain of her heartbreak in a safe environment. The last thing she wanted to be doing was crying alone in her cold bed, in her bleak home, when she could at least cry into the arms of her friends.

“Thanks, girls.” She murmured, almost inaudibly. “I don’t know what I would do without you.”

Jinkx’s face softened. “Listen to me, gorgeous darling sweetheart…” She slurred. “There are good things - very good things - on your horizon. You just have to keep your eyes open for them! Don’t miss the sunset just because you’re sad about the sunrise being over!”

“So profound…” Raja commented, giggling. “You’ll be okay, Needles. We got you. Baby’s first heartbreak won’t be so bad with us around.”

Sharon wished with all of her heart that it was true.

-

He was just stood on the dock, gazing down at his wrinkled map with his eyes squinting in the sunlight. Sharon was just on her way back from Raja’s, still dressed in the scrappy t-shirt that they had DIY’d when drunk the previous evening. When she spotted him, she allowed herself a moment to indulge and enjoy the view.

He was no Justin - of course, no man would rival Justin - but he was handsome in a rugged, almost pirate-like way. His skin was golden, tanned and weathered with freckles that were no doubt from numerous journeys around the world. The khaki shirt and shorts he was wearing were telling of his exploring nature, along with the large backpack he was carrying.

Before Justin, Sharon would’ve been too shy to try and help out, maybe offering just a small smile and a nod in the right direction before going on her way. However, she felt different now. Hardened, almost. The heartbreak was still fresh and raw, merely three days ago, but the pain was filling her with a bitterness that seemed to be whispering to her subconscious to live a little. She needed to be back at home to make it to church on time, but fuck church and fuck the consequences. There was a good-looking man stood all alone, and Sharon needed somebody to take her mind off her loss and waste some of her time. He seemed like an okay candidate.

“Hello!” The man spoke, as Sharon began to walk towards him. “I’d hate to bother you, ma’am, but would you be able to tell me how to get to the island just over there? I’m a travel writer, but unfortunately I haven’t picked up any Greek yet.”

Sharon nodded, raising one eyebrow in amusement. “Ma’am? Fuck, you sound like you’re addressing my mother. Sure I can take you to the island. Can I get a name to go with that rugged face?”

Her sheer lack of embarrassment or nerves was… unnerving, frankly. At her current, slightly volatile state, she didn’t care what anybody thought of her. If he didn’t like it, fuck him. Justin had softened her exterior far too much, and she needed to regain her strength. She felt hardened, hiding the personality she had exposed to Justin in favour of putting on a show.

“Jaremi. Jaremi Carey.” He said, his eyes twinkling.

“Welcome to the island, Jaremi. I’m Sharon.”

They shook hands, gripping firmly. Jaremi’s eyes wandered down, taking in the shape of her body and then zeroing in on her t-shirt.

“Not a fan of commitment, eh?” He joked. Of course, after causing her friends to have a drunken laughing fit, Raja had produced three random shirts and scribbled their new motto on the front; ‘Marriage is an institution for people who belong in an institution’. If anyone from the church saw Sharon wearing it, she would be a goner. Perhaps that was why she was so blatantly displaying it.

She laughed. “No, are you?”

Jaremi shrugged, gesturing behind him. “I can’t even commit to one country. You really think I can commit to one person? Of course not. I have a feeling you and I are gonna get along.”

“Fair.” Sharon agreed. She studied the boat he had gestured to - a proper sailboat, as opposed to the little rowing boats that were normally used to get to and from the island. It was well-made and clearly expensive, with smooth glossy wood around the exterior and clean white sails billowing in the wind. Across the hull, the boat’s name was printed in black: ‘Carey’.

“You named your boat after yourself?” Sharon asked, observing the playful look on Jaremi’s face. “Little bit of an egotist, are we?”

He grinned. “Maybe so. Anyway, you said you know how to get to the island, and I don’t know how to get to the island, so…”

Sharon ignored him, instead stepping across the dock and onto the boat. “Hmm. Solid, seems seaworthy. Sure, I’ll tell you where to go if you’re willing to take me.”

“Perfect.” Jaremi replied, leaping across to stand next to her. “Lead the way, stranger!”

Although the sea was as calm as ever, the winds on deck blew harder than Sharon had anticipated, and she was left shivering in her tiny t-shirt. Jaremi seemed better prepared, tugging a waterproof coat over his shoulders and shrugging in Sharon’s general direction when she shivered.

“Not a gentleman, huh?” She teased, rubbing her arms to emphasise the point. 

Jaremi laughed. “Not really. I mean, if you’re into the whole chivalry thing, I can take you below deck. There’s a bed.”

Sharon raised her eyebrows. “I’m not sure that’s very chivalrous of you. What kind of woman do you take me for?”

“One who isn’t really in a position to argue, owing to the fact that she’s on a boat in the middle of the ocean, miles away from land, she’s cold, she’s not into commitment, and a nice man is offering to warm her up.”

There was something about Jaremi that was so unlike any man Sharon had ever mixed with. He was so… so forward, so provocative in his flirtation. He was the kind of man that her mother had always scolded her to stay away from, the kind that the church would brand as a heathen and a sinner. Sharon wasn’t sure, but that might’ve been part of the reason she felt so attracted to him. He was everything she wasn’t allowed, rolled into one. The idea of spiting Justin and her suffocating upbringing all in one was strangely arousing. Rebellion was sexy.

Sharon smiled.

“Is that your attempt at seduction?”

Jaremi stood up, strutting past her towards the steps as he began to make his way below deck. “Maybe so. If you get tired of being cold, you know where I am.”

In the past few weeks, Sharon had learnt that both her head and her heart were unreliable, so she ignored their advice. Her body knew what it wanted, she reasoned. A fling wouldn’t hurt her, nothing could hurt her the way Justin had. Maybe for once, it was time to take a leaf out of Raja’s book.

She followed him below deck.


	4. Chapter 4

It was a different kind of sex to the kind Sharon was used to, admittedly. Jaremi was every bit as wild and carefree in bed as he was in his general lifestyle. It was exactly what she needed, in truth - an escape to just close her eyes, grip the bedsheets and let the waves of pleasure erase her heartache one orgasm at a time. 

True to their new no-strings-attached attitude, once it was over, they simply lay beside one another in the bed, completely naked, not touching. Sharon tried to catch her breath, pushing down the rising urge to become affectionate. She didn’t even know Jaremi, and besides - it was a habit she was going to break, for her own good.

“So…” Jaremi’s voice was slightly breathless. “About what just happened?”

Sharon rolled her eyes. “Is this the part where you call me a whore for sleeping with you?”

“Not at all. I’m just curious. You don’t seem like the type to do this all the time. I’m a writer, like I said. I want to know your story.”

Staring up at the ceiling, Sharon didn’t dare to lower her gaze, not really sure where she should be looking. The vulnerability of her situation was beginning to set in, and she didn’t like it one bit.

“I don’t really have a story.” She lied. “My…”

She caught herself before she could say boyfriend. What was Justin? He had seemed like so much more than that. They’d never really talked about whether they were an item or not, it just seemed to happen. Probably, Sharon thought bitterly, he had avoided that conversation to hide his dirty secret and use her. Nothing else seemed right. She had thought of him as a lover, even going as far as to say she had truly believed that he was the one; clearly she had been alone in that belief.

“I was cheated.” She managed, once again forcing down the unwelcome feeling that came with those words. “So I’m trying something new. No strings, no attachments, no feelings.”

Jaremi nodded, offering no sympathy. In a way, Sharon was glad for his lack of emotional connection. The last thing she needed was to end up crying on someone else’s shoulder.

“I can do that.” He affirmed, nonchalant as ever. “I’ll be around, exploring the local area.”

Sharon grinned in spite of herself. “And the local girls?”

“Maybe. If they’re as easy as you are.”

Laughing, she moved to whack him with the pillow, cursing when he swerved out of her way. “Dammit!”

She sat up, suddenly acutely aware of her nakedness. She wasn’t sure how to feel - whether she should be proud or modest with her nudity. After all, it had been different with Justin. She had been sure that he loved her, and he made her feel truly beautiful. With Jaremi, she was just sexy. Was she supposed to act sexy?

Resolving to just stay casual, she tried to ignore the strange amalgamation of pride and insecurity mingling in her chest. “We should be nearing land. Go check, Captain.”

Jaremi poked his head above deck. “I see it. You planning on getting dressed before showing me around?”

Sharon forced a laugh. “Yeah, maybe. You say that a lot, huh?”

“What?”

“Maybe.”

“Oh.” Jaremi paused. “I guess I do. It’s better than yes or no. You can’t get mad at a maybe. You and I both know that no commitment is the way to go, after all.”

Sharon hugged her knees, reaching for her t-shirt as Jaremi left the room and climbed on deck to take control of the sails.

“Yeah… I guess it is.” She mumbled.

-

Just before Sharon headed in the front door, she ducked towards the shed. Jaremi had sailed her to and from the island every day for the past week and a half, the two of them keeping their affair as secret as they could. Any time her heart began to ache, or her mind began to wander towards the one that got away, she could rely on Jaremi to take her mind off of him.

They didn’t talk much. Jaremi was funny, if a little immature sometimes, but Sharon didn’t care. She wasn’t there to fall in love, but rather the opposite. She had fallen too hard and too soon, and their stress-free relationship was exactly what she needed. They were hardly friends, let alone lovers. He was just someone to fuck, and nothing more.

Since Justin had left and Jaremi had arrived, Sharon had distanced herself from everything and everyone. She still performed with Raja and Jinkx nearly every night, but she couldn’t bear the pity she saw in their eyes, nor the whispers when they thought she was out of earshot. Their concern was touching, tangible proof that they loved her, but it hurt to be reminded of her own pain. She needed to escape from it all.

It was surprisingly easy to lie. Sharon just kept herself away, wandering the island alone and fucking Jaremi on the way home after her shows, explaining to her girls that she just needed time alone to think. At least, she reasoned, it wasn’t a total lie. She was thinking a lot - perhaps too much.

As for her mother, she was easily fooled too. Mostly, she told her that she had been sleeping at Raja’s, and her friends were happy to cover for her whenever the lie was questioned. Besides, Sharon couldn’t deny that she had been enjoying herself, at first. Sex and secrecy and sinning in broad daylight in the middle of the ocean had given her the most decadent thrill. Despite that, though, a lot of her sadness had begun converting itself to anger and bitterness. This is all that I was to him, her mind kept telling her. A cheap fuck. The hooker they hire for stag parties.

Such were the thoughts that often struck her as she lay beneath Jaremi, feeling him moving inside her and gasping when appropriate. He didn’t care if her head smacked against the headboard behind them, and in her mindless state she hardly noticed. She just stared up at the ceiling, emotionally and physically numb to everything she knew she should’ve been feeling. Truthfully, it wasn’t fun anymore.

Too often, she gazed in the mirror after Jaremi left to carry on steering his little ship, and just looked at herself. She had grown accustomed to her own nakedness, her own numbness. She stared at the dark bags beneath her eyes and the black makeup smeared around them, the way her lipstick had been ferociously kissed off, the way that her skin was peppered with marks she didn’t even remember receiving.

Never before had she felt so detached from her own body.

But she had to save face, and keep up her image. Inside the shed, she quickly changed into more suitable clothing and discarded her flashy, fitted costume inside an empty paint tin, to be collected the following morning. There were some rules Sharon would never be reckless enough to break. Even so, there was a nagging feeling in the back of her mind that she had forgotten something.

As quietly as she could, avoiding all of the creaks and bumps she had learnt to identify, Sharon crept inside.

“It’s getting dark, where have you been?” Her mother asked sternly, already waiting for her in the living room. 

Sharon swallowed, her mind briefly filling her head with flashbacks of that day. Somehow, she didn’t think that admitting how she had been laid out below deck in Jaremi’s boat would go down very well. She twirled her hair nervously around her fingers, praying it would cover any hickeys that Jaremi had left on her neck and chest.

“I’m sorry.” She rushed out, ashamed of the deep-rooted fear her mother could instil into her. “I was helping Raja and Jinkx to pack, I didn’t realize it was so late. It won’t happen again.”

Her mother was stood tall, arms crossed over her chest, her crucifix necklace gleaming in the low light. Not a single hair was out of place from her neat bun, and her face was fixed into a scowl. Sharon didn’t remember the last time she had seen her own mother smile at her. She supposed that was what happened when her impossible standards would never be met by her less-than-perfect daughter.

“Hmph.” Was the response, blatantly unsatisfied. “Perhaps if you had tried harder in school, you could be going to university too. But you failed and gave up, didn’t you?”

That stung, but she wasn’t going to show it. No, her mother didn’t deserve the satisfaction of her tears. It wasn’t her fault that she had dropped out - it was her failing grades, the information that just didn’t sink in, the knowledge that she wasn’t good enough to even sit the exams. As if she had needed more confirmation that she would never be enough.

Still, she lifted her chin. “I’ll miss them. I hope they visit.”

Her mother frowned deeper. “You’ve been missing church. People are talking, Sharon, and you know I don’t like that.”

Almost subconsciously, Sharon found herself lowering her head in submission. “I’m sorry.”

“They think you’re abandoning the faith completely. I’m disgusted at you.” She spat. “You’re coming tomorrow whether you like it or not. Understand?

Sharon nodded meekly. “Yes, ma’am.”

Her mother sniffed. “And wash that makeup off your face. You look like a little tart, and I won’t have my daughter parading around like a prostitute.”

Without another word, Sharon made her way upstairs. She wished desperately she could’ve used some of that courage her friends were always telling her she had, but she knew she would never be able to, that she didn’t really possess it. There were a hundred and one things she would’ve loved to say to her mother that would never, ever be said.

Sharon felt smaller than ever as she shut the bedroom door behind her, reaching for a flannel to scrub the offending makeup from her skin. The complexity of her feelings was confusing, to say the least, as she tried to make sense of it all. Fear and anxiety swirled in the pit of her stomach from being at home. Anger and heartbreak from Justin plagued her chest. Desire and regret from Jaremi filled her entire body. Nothing seemed to make sense. Everything was conflicted.

Somehow though, beyond all explanation, she was physically trapped, but she felt free.

A knock on the window broke her out of her thoughts. She had just began to change, and her heart leapt into her mouth when she turned around, instinctively covering her bruised chest with an ugly cardigan.

“Jinkx?!” She whisper-shouted, rushing to slide the window open. “What are you doing here?!”

She stepped aside to let her in, hurrying to finish changing. In the meantime, Jinkx climbed somewhat heavily into her room, Raja hot on her heels but with a little more grace and balance. Before Sharon even knew what was happening, they were stood in her room, bearing matching grins and holding a bottle of wine each.

“I can’t believe this…” She murmured. “Guys, if my mom finds out you’re here-”

Jinkx held up a hand, slapping it over Sharon’s mouth to shut her up. “She won’t, chill out. We just came to see how you’re doing.”

“And by that, she means - we have two bottles of wine and three glasses.” Raja supplied. “Although I was kidding about the glasses. We’re swigging.”

Sharon laughed; it was a simple, pure laugh not elicited by boys, nor tainted with flirtation and heartbreak. It was the realization of how lucky she was to have her dumb friends.

“Bring it on, girls. Do your worst.” She grinned. “Sorry I’ve been so disconnected.”

Raja shook her head, pulling her and Jinkx onto the tiny single bed and attempting to squeeze under the covers. “None of that, now.” She said firmly, wedging Sharon in between her and Jinkx and handing her a bottle of red. “We understand. We’re here to show you how much we love you.”

It was utterly ridiculous. Raja was far too long for her bed, and in an attempt to make sure they all could fit, both girls had their arms wrapped around Sharon’s middle in an awkward, well-meaning cuddle. Even trying to drink the wine was an ordeal, but Sharon stored away the good feelings bubbling inside her to keep for later. Her friends had ventured out of their way to help her, and there weren’t many people in Sharon’s life who would do that. Jaremi certainly wouldn’t, and she wouldn’t expect him to. Justin… Sharon had thought that he would, only to realize she was wrong. She was lucky to have her girls.

They were all she had.

With the extent of her solitude, Sharon hadn’t been drinking much since Justin had left; she suspected her heart was a little too fragile to cope with it. It didn’t take too long for the half a bottle that she had managed - the rest, of course, commandeered by her friends - to set her off.

She buried her face in Jinkx’s shoulder, inhaling her musky perfume, and let a few stray tears fall onto her shirt. After the original heartbreak, she had sworn she wouldn’t let it overcome her again, but that was too difficult a promise to keep. Distancing herself for protection had done nothing to fill the cracks in her heart that had been left behind. Maybe a good cry was what she needed.

“You need bolstering.” Raja decided, planting a kiss on the closest bit of her she could find, which happened to be her cheek. “We’re gonna bolster you.”

“Talk to us, baby. So we can bolster.” Jinkx cuddled, if possible, even closer.

Sharon gave a short laugh, mirthless and soon fizzling out. “I don’t hate him. I feel like I should hate him.”

“I hate him.” Raja said, her voice laced with venom. “After what he did to you? If I saw him now-”

Sharon cut her off. “I would thank him. He taught me so much that I never had a chance of knowing before. I’m so angry at him.”

She paused. “My god, I’m angry at him. I’m furious. He played me. He played me and he doesn’t deserve a single second of my time and yet whenever I’m alone all I can think about is his eyes. His stupid fucking angel eyes.”

In her drunken state, the truth was confusing and yet clear all at once. The problem with the mindless convenience sex she’d been engaging in with Jaremi was exactly that - it was mindless. What she needed was a real distraction, something to pull her away from the grasp that Justin had on her.

“It’s always the pretty ones.” Jinkx agreed glumly. “They take your heart and then you have to pay the price.”

Raja hummed a little tune. “Call me a crazy drunk bitch, but-”

“Crazy drunk bitch.” Sharon and Jinkx replied in unison.

“Okay, fuck you.” Raja laughed. “But seriously. I’ve had this little melody in my head for forever. Sharon, you can put words to it. We’ll kill two birds with one stone.”

Sharon frowned, her mind fuzzy. “Words about what? What birds, anyway?”

“Words about him!” Raja exclaimed. “Everything you’re feeling. Slate him within an inch of his life. It’ll get your feelings out and The Supermodels are in need of a fresh new sound to reflect how much things have changed this summer.”

“After church…” Sharon nodded slowly. “I’m being forced into going tomorrow, but I’ll be free all day after that. If we can pull this off-”

“Then we’re officially the coolest girl-power band ever.” Jinkx supplied.

Sharon sighed, feeling woozy but more content than she had in a long time. “I love you girls so much.”

“We love you too.” They replied, scarily synchronised. Jinkx stroked her hair. “Go to sleep, sweetheart.”

The following morning, Sharon woke to a tangle of limbs and hair entwined around her body. Jinkx was drooling, her face unattractively smashed into the pillow and her hair flying around her head. Similarly, Raja was curled up against Sharon, her mouth wide open as she snored loudly. Truly, she thought to herself with a laugh, they were a charming bunch. She was almost certain that she didn’t look much better than they did.

No sooner had she woken up, though, her door knocked loudly. The jarring sound jolted both of her friends awake, and Sharon had to clap her hands over each of their mouths to prevent them from giving themselves away. That would have been suicide.

“Sharon? Are you awake yet?”

At the sound of her mother’s voice, Sharon blanched. “Uh - yes! I’m just - just getting ready!”

A loud grunt. “Hmph. Hurry up, will you? You will not make me late for church, young lady.”

“Of course not.” Sharon replied, hating how easily she regressed into her meek, unimportant daughter role. “I won’t be long.”

As soon as she was sure that her mother’s footsteps had disappeared, Sharon opened her wardrobe, listening to Raja and Jinkx groaning. More than anything, she wanted to finally stand up to her mother, as they were always telling her to do, but she didn’t have the strength. Her heart was aching and the courage that she had felt when she had been with Justin had long since dissipated. An all-consuming wave of shame and embarrassment rolled over her.

“You two should go.” She suggested, her cheeks flaming. “I have to get ready… She can’t see you.”

Jinkx stretched. “It’s alright, we can go out the window again. Don’t worry about us.”

Sharon smiled weakly. “If I can face the stage later, I’ll be there. So long as I survive church, anyhow.”

Raja let out an almighty snort. “Girl, I don’t know how you do it. But you gotta come along tonight! Song or no song, we’re gonna dress up and we’re gonna dance and you’re gonna be our dancing queen again. We can find you a new man, or maybe a cutie to take the edge off…”

Both girls remained in Sharon’s bed as she began to change, tugging the skirt down and the shirt up in an attempt to look as modest as she could. Normally, she would use makeup to try and hide the dark circles underneath her eyes, but she didn’t have much time. Besides, her mother called her a tart for wearing even the slightest hint of cosmetics.

“I look like shit.” Sharon grumbled, staring at herself with distaste. Raja not-so-subtly elbowed Jinkx and hissed “Bolster!”

“No, baby!” Jinkx rubbed her arm, glaring at Raja as she swung herself out of the bed. “You’re beautiful!”

“She’s right, you know.” Raja nodded, glaring back. “I tried to flirt with this guy the other night and he did give it to me, but then he did admit that he has a thing for blondes more than anything, so he might be interested in you. I think he said his name was Jaremi. Maybe we can find him tonight, set you up.”

Sharon laughed nervously. “Yeah, maybe…”

She wasn’t sure why, but it didn’t feel right to tell them that she’d been seeing anyone, let alone that it was Jaremi. It wasn’t like they were going to judge her - they had been doing more outrageous things for a much longer time - but it felt like a secret she had to keep to herself.

It wasn’t like it would matter, anyway. Soon enough they’d be going off to their universities, getting with as many guys and girls as they wanted, and they wouldn’t be physically able to tell one another about each and every encounter. Perhaps it was just for the best.

Sharon tried not to think about them leaving.

“SHARON! COME ON! WE ARE GOING TO BE LATE!”

Her eyes wide, Sharon practically shoved her friends towards the window and dashed from her room, taking the stairs two at a time in her hurry to evade punishment. At the bottom of the stairs, hands on her hips, her mother looked as judgemental and expectant as ever.

“Hmph. Skirt’s a little short, don’t you think?” 

Sharon tried to calm her breathing. “Is it? I-”

A sharp slap cut her off. “You look disgraceful. I’ve half a mind to make you change, but we don’t have time. The Lord doesn’t like to be kept waiting.”

“I didn’t realize the Lord was operating on a time limit.” Sharon replied, cupping her stinging cheek. “Here was me thinking he loves us all eternally.”

Her mother’s face hardened. For a moment, Sharon could see the resemblance between the two of them, and she despised it. She swore she would never look at her future daughter the way her mother was looking at her, with anger and hatred in her gaze. As her mother raised her hand again, Sharon narrowed her eyes.

“Do it, and I’ll tell the vicar exactly why my face is so red.” She threatened, clenching her jaw. “I’m dressed, I’m ready. Pretty sure the Lord is waiting for us.”

Despite the rage blazing in her eyes, her mother simply turned and walked out, giving in to the argument. There would be hell to pay later - meaning Sharon had to avoid going home for as long as she could manage - but that was fine. She could check with Fernando, see how the weather was going to be, and take a chance. Shivering through a storm would be better than coming home to this.

As they arrived, late as expected, Sharon split from her mother to the only other available seat, next to a young man that she didn’t recognise. She knew the act of splitting and sitting by a man, in itself, would irritate her mother, but that was beside the point. She needed to get away.

The guy winked at her as she slipped into the seat beside him, acknowledging the length of her skirt with a smirk. Sharon cocked an eyebrow at him, letting the neckline of her shirt fall lower as it was supposed to and adjusting her rosary so it rested atop her now-slightly exposed cleavage.

Flirting in church. That was new.

The blonde eyed her up and down, chuckling quietly to himself before focusing on the service again. Thankfully, the old lady next to him didn’t seem to notice anything out of the ordinary, so Sharon was able to avoid another set of glaring eyes.

As the service went on, the blonde gestured discreetly, making a mockery of the priest’s words and stories as he droned on. It was all Sharon could do not to burst out laughing in the middle of the service, lest she be ripped to shreds.

Part of her wanted to start talking to the stranger when the service was over, and see if he was as amusing as he seemed in the midst of the service, but she mentally decided against it. Girl time, she reminded herself. She had Jaremi if she needed anything, and the very last thing she needed was to add another guy into the mix. Still, she could see a spark in him - like how his eyes had glazed over, telling of the fact that he, like herself, wasn’t all too invested in the preaching of the church.

When the service ended, she blew a kiss and left sharpish. Getting caught up with her mother would definitely end badly, so she was quick to dive out of the way and take a few back streets towards the dock. 

I can’t believe her, she thought to herself. I can’t believe she fucking hit me again. No. Fuck her. She doesn’t deserve my time, even in my thoughts.

Instead, her thoughts drifted - regrettably - back to Justin. Raja and Jinkx had a point, that she should be angry at him too, and writing might make her feel better, but she still wasn’t so sure. The whole situation made her feel sick to the stomach whenever she thought about him. Staring at that photograph, the look that he was giving that girl… it was so familiar and yet so alien that it made her shiver.

There was too much to say. Too much for one song, surely. She wasn’t sure if she was angry, or sad, or lonely. She was just conflicted and confused, and it was his fault. He was impossible to write about - not again.

-

“There’s two.” 

Jinkx nearly fell off her barstool. “Two? What, like two verses, or?”

“Two songs.” Sharon corrected her. “I don’t know what happened! I just - I don’t know!”

She sighed. “He’s been gone for two weeks. I don’t know why I still care. But when I put pen to paper, it was like I couldn’t stop. All I can think about is him.”

Raja pursed her lips, evidently displeased. “Fucker. And he’s not even sparing a thought in your direction.”

Seemingly delighted at the opportunity, Jinkx thwacked Raja as hard as she could. “Raj, bolster! Besides, we don’t know that. Maybe he’s thinking about how he made a huge mistake, and how we’re gonna beat the crap out of him. Anyway, we’re bolstering.”

Sharon giggled. “I don’t need bolstering! I’m fine, just frazzled. Besides, only one of them could actually be performed, this one has no substance to it whatsoever. It’s just prose of me whining about how one of us is happy and one of us isn’t.”

“Prose is a big word for you.”

“Thank you.” She laughed, properly this time. “Anyway, fuckin’... there you go. Angel Eyes. All about deception. It should fit your melody, Raja. It’s only rough anyway.”

Cosied up at the bar together, they began dissecting through the song, humming sections and scribbling annotations onto the paper. As usual, the little taverna was empty in the daytime, save for a few regulars sipping at their beers and Maria, washing mugs with a rag. With any luck, it would fill up in the evening, drawing people in with their music. Some nights they even had to perform outside, the venue too small to contain the amount of people that wanted to drink and dance and listen to the band. Sharon hoped tonight would be one of those nights.

“Maria! My God, you’re beautiful!”

Maria chuckled as a man’s voice yelled out the compliment, loud enough to attract the attention of everyone in the taverna.

“You flatter, Willam. Your great grandmother Pat come through here not so long ago, you just miss her by minutes.”

Willam laughed good-naturedly. “Can’t believe she’s ninety two years old and faster than me. Hey, it’s you! From church!”

This time, his words were directed at Sharon, who hadn’t looked up from the plethora of notes and doodles that now covered the song. When she met his gaze, she let out a little gasp of disbelief.

“What are you doing here?” She found herself blurting out.

“What are you doing here?” He responded, mimicking her tone with a grin. “I have family here!”

Sharon nodded, dumbfounded. “I have a job here…” She gestured to the paper.

Without asking, Willam snatched the paper from beneath Jinkx’s pen and began to scan through it, much to the protests of the girls. After a few moments of skim-reading, he nodded and handed it back.

“Ooh, girl. Who did this to you? Someone on the island? I come here sometimes, I might know them to kick their ass, or get them fired.”

Sharon laughed. “He’s gone, it doesn’t matter.”

Raja frowned. “Sharon, who is this?”

“I don’t know.” Sharon admitted. “Blondie?”

Willam extended his hand, shaking Raja’s vigorously. Something about his unwavering smile was amusing, and she ended up laughing. It was too fake to be real, but a little too real to be entirely fake. It didn’t make much sense, but Sharon was beginning to realize that most men didn’t make much sense.

“I’m Willam, obviously. You just heard darling Maria announce my presence. Sharon and I met earlier today, I guess you could say.” A mischievous sparkle lit up his blue eyes. “She showed me her tits in church.”

Sharon gasped. “I did not!” She defended herself. “It was a tease at best.”

Jinkx laughed uproariously. “Sharon! God, we’ve taught you well.”

“Your song is good, girls.” Willam said suddenly, peering over Raja’s shoulder once more to see what she was writing. “I think I’ll come down tonight to watch, maybe bring Pat with me. I’m a musician too, I’ve performed here a few times. I’ll be seeing you.”

He gave a little wave as he went out, blowing a kiss in the same manner that Sharon had as she left church.

“I guess you will,” Sharon called after him, pushing down the sinking feeling in her chest. This really is the last thing you need. Even if he is attractive, you don’t need to get mixed up with another guy.

If only she had the willpower.


	5. Chapter 5

The dressing room had finally been restored to its usual state of peace and calm. Ironically enough, the usual peace that the dressing room could call normal was a state of absolute chaos, with clothing and makeup strewn all over the place, and three drunk girls giggling in front of mirrors. It was worth remembering that the so-called dressing room was actually a small room once used as a storage cupboard behind the stage, with a couple of mirrors and three screens to give them a little privacy in case someone walked in.

For the past few shows, the mood in the makeshift dressing room had been quite sombre. Sharon had been quieter, a little more closed off, her performances more lacklustre than usual. She hadn’t realized what an effect she’d had on the room, but now, in her cheerier mood, things had returned to normal.

Raja, who was still half-naked but with a full face of makeup on, was doing poor karaoke into a makeup brush as Jinkx looked on, fully dressed with half an eyebrow painted on and not much else. Somehow, at the sight of her friends being uplifted by her own better mood, Sharon felt brighter. She laughed at their antics, teasing her hair up with a comb and trying not to choke on the hairspray fumes.

“Jesus fuck, this place needs windows.” She coughed. “Does this look done?”

Raja stopped singing to inspect her friend’s hair. “Yeah, it’s done. Special effort tonight? Any reason? Dick, maybe?”

Sharon gasped, affronted. “Raja! I’m debuting a brand new look for a brand new song, if you must know. It’s a new era.”

Nodding, Jinkx swung around in her chair, now with a second eyebrow. “A new Sharon who won’t take anybody’s shit and doesn’t cry over boys.”

“Hear, hear!” Raja raised her wine glass, ignoring the fact that it was empty. “Tonight is gonna be great.”

If you insist, Sharon thought to herself, before she could stop it. Bad Sharon. You need a better mental attitude than that. 

It was going to be a good night. So what if she had been left reeling by Justin? He was gone now, probably married or safely tucked up in his fiancée’s arms. There was nothing Sharon could do about that besides feel heartbroken. She was strong - her friends had known it all along. Tonight was about her, and the girls, and not a single boy was going to mess up her life again. 

If anything, she had learnt from them… right? Justin, sweet, deceptive Justin, had taught her about trust and heartbreak. Jaremi had taught her that maybe no-strings-attached didn’t work for her, considering she still had to quell the urge to become affectionate towards him. Overall, it had been bad, but she was learning. 

Did that mean she was going to make the same mistake with Willam?

Maybe. 

He was attractive, after all - in a mischievous way, all floppy blonde hair and too-white teeth and cocked eyebrows. His demeanor was as if the world had been created just for him, and he could do whatever he liked with it. Sharon admired his confidence. Knowing he was at the taverna, waiting for them to come on stage, gave her a little thrill. 

Don’t do it again, Sharon. Don’t make the same mistake three times.

There was a pretty good turnout in the taverna that evening; Maria had clearly been around all day, hollering about the show. The residents of the island were fond of their few entertainment sources, especially The Supermodels. There hadn’t been any time to make posters as they normally would, but it seemed word of mouth had been enough. Every table was full, and some people were standing, holding their drinks and chatting as they eagerly awaited the show.

Sharon’s eyes found Willam immediately as they stepped on stage, assuming their usual positions. He was sat close to the old woman who had been with him at church, one arm lazily draped over the back of her chair. The excitement of performing a new song again, coupled with the adrenaline rush of feeling Willam’s gaze on her body, made Sharon feel utterly short of breath. Somehow she knew this would be one of her most explosive performances yet.

The music started. A few people gasped in excitement.

“Last night, I was taking a walk along the river, and I saw him together with a young girl…”

The inevitable nervousness dissipated as Sharon heard Jinkx joining in, her voice uniquely strong and powerful, followed by Raja’s deep, melodious harmony. Part of her wished that the three of them could stay on the island forever, making a living out of performing, forever remaining in the little safety bubble of music. It made her almost angry - yes, angry - that they would be leaving her too.

For once, she didn’t away from that thought, instead channelling her anger into the song. It was essentially a fuck you to how easily she had fallen, and how easy it was to do the same thing again (and again.) It was better to let it out now, on stage with people dancing and cheering, than to consign it into passive aggressive letters for the next few months.

Just this one last time, Sharon let herself wallow in her feelings as she sang. Justin had left her and it fucking hurt. Jaremi was just using her because she was letting him. Her own mother had slapped her, unable to stand her daughter’s failures. Her two best friends - her two only friends - would be gone in a matter of weeks, leaving her alone. It was all worth being angry over.

“You’ll think you’re in paradise…”

As the song drew to an end, Sharon found herself flooded with a mixture of emotions, her mood swinging suddenly from angry to relieved, grateful and beyond ecstatic. She clung to Jinkx and Raja, out of breath and sweaty, as the appreciative cheering and clapping rewarded them for their efforts.

“God, I love you two.” Sharon whispered, completely breathless. Jinkx kissed her cheek, and Raja pulled them into a tighter embrace.

The three of them stayed like that, holding onto one another as if they were going to collapse, until the collective euphoria from the music had died down. The patrons went back to their drinks and conversations, smiling at the girls as they went past, some offering kind words. At the first attractive man, Raja slipped away to flirt.

“Ah, your blonde is here.” Jinkx grinned, pointing over to Willam as though Sharon hadn’t noticed. “Go on, go secure your rebound boy. I’ll be here scouring for the lesbians, so I’ll be fine.”

She patted Sharon on the shoulder, her face a picture of playfulness. “Oh, her outfit is hideous. I bet she’s gay. See you later!”

The universe was practically forcing it to happen. There was definitely no getting away from Willam, that was for sure. It seemed written into the fucking stars. At least this time, Sharon reasoned with herself, she knew exactly what her mistake was. It was the universe’s fault that she was making it.

Willam patted the spare seat next to him. Coincidentally, he had ordered a drink for his great grandmother Pat, and she didn’t like it, but it just so happened to be Sharon’s favourite, so she just had to sit and drink it. It was just courtesy, after all. Goddamned universe, trying to be subtle.

“Sharon, I love you in this outfit. It’s very tight.” Was his opening line, as he pushed the drink towards her.

Thankfully, she caught it deftly before it could be swept off the table. “Thanks… It’s supposed to be.”

Pat laughed. “I like this one! I wish I could’ve worn these kind of things, back in my day. Very chic!”

“Oh, so you’re both fashionistas?” Sharon asked, sipping her drink. “Gotta love that. Anyway, I can’t stay long, but…” She grinned. “I’ll finish this first. I gotta make sure my ride home doesn’t leave me.”

Willam placed a hand on her thigh. Sharon tried not to shiver.

“You could always stay with me. Spend the night.”

Emboldened by the stage high, Sharon cackled with laughter. “Oh, you wish! Nah, I’m in deep shit. I majorly pissed off my mom.”

“The church bitch.” Pat said darkly. Her sinister tone caught both Sharon and Willam unawares, sending them both into a fit of laughter that somehow ended with the two of them leaning on each other for support. Willam was warm. She could feel muscles under his shirt. Shake it off, Sharon.

“Oh, everyone at that place fucking loves her, but I don’t.” Pat continued. “She’s a nasty bitch if I ever saw one.”

There was something strangely hilarious about such an old woman, shrivelled into her early nineties, being so catty. Sharon agreed wholeheartedly with every word that came out of her little puckered mouth. She had the same bright white smile as Willam, even at her age, which made her incredibly endearing.

“She always calls me by my proper name, too. Cow. I tell everyone I’m Pat, and she goes Patricia in her smug little voice that she has. Ghastly woman. I’m sorry you have her as a mother.”

Sharon raised her glass for a cheers. “I’m sorry I have her as a mother too,” She laughed, clinking glasses with Pat. Willam leant over and pushed Pat’s glass away from her, smile lines creasing at the corners of his eyes. “Maybe we should change your name to Trixie.”

Pat laughed. “Ha! I’m far too old for a young girl’s name like that. I bet your mother would call it a whore name. Maybe I will, out of spite.”

“I think you’ve had enough, Granny Pat. Two vodkas is your limit, we all know what happened at Christmas.”

He mimed some horrific dancing as Sharon finished her drink, trying not to splutter it everywhere. Pat, to her credit, was completely unembarrassed - if anything, there was a twinkle of amusement in her eye.

Sharon gathered the now-empty glasses towards the front of the table as Willam helped Pat up, wrapping an arm round her to lead her out. Between the two of them, it was easy to manoeuver an elderly lady towards the exit, and easier still to talk once they were outside. The pavilion outside the taverna and the shore below them both seemed deserted, the island residents either packed into the taverna, or tucked up into their beds. The sun was just starting to dip beneath the ocean.

“You sure you’re not coming with us?” Willam offered again. “I have several ulterior motives lined up, but I’m a respectful man, so sleeping is one of them.”

Sharon giggled. “I’m okay, honestly. I’m weirdly tired, I just want to go home and sleep for forever. But thank you.”

Willam saluted. “Any time, any time at all. See ya tomorrow, probably.”

He waited until Sharon had started to make her descent to the shore before he began helping Pat up to wherever her home was. Sharon could hear him singing, loudly parodying “Look into her angel thighs, one lick and you’re hypnotized…” for at least half of her journey down. She chuckled to herself, resigning herself to the fact that her next run-in with him would probably end the way most of her male encounters did these days - with a throaty gasp.

-

Down at the docks, Sharon sat on the very edge of the pier, letting her feet dangle into the gentle waves. Jaremi’s boat was nowhere to be seen, but he was often late. Most likely he was wrapped up with some girl, having lost track of time. He would squeeze Sharon into his embrace, which she would gladly fall into, and then she would smell the girl’s perfume all over him.

The sex was dwindling. Sharon suspected that Jaremi was bored of her, and the variety of perfumes he smelt of only served to prove her theory. She just pretended it didn’t sting, and stared out at the ocean until it was time to go home.

Sharon watched as the sun sunk lower and lower, feeling the air grow chilly around her. It wasn’t often that the island felt cold, and at such an inauspicious time she was thankless for the breeze. An hour passed, and she pulled her feet out of the now freezing water, curling into a ball and shivering a little.

She waited. The waves got rougher.

A second hour passed. Not a single wave went undisturbed by the motion of a boat.

Naively, or perhaps stupidly, Sharon clung to the hope that Jaremi just hadn’t realized the time. He knew that he always collected Sharon, to sail her home before going off to do whatever he did in the small hours of the night. She relied on him for that. It was their unspoken deal. He wouldn’t just leave her sit on the pier and freeze all night, would he?

Her teeth chattered. She kept her eyes fixed on the horizon, rubbing ineffectually at her frozen arms and legs to try and get a little bit of warmth.

Finally, after a few more minutes of waiting, a person appeared, traipsing along the sand. She didn’t recognise the woman other than knowing her as one of the locals, and it was a relief just to see another person after so long staring at sea and sky.

“Hi, sorry… Have you seen Jaremi? Carey, the explorer? I’ve been waiting for him all night.” She rubbed at her arms once again, and felt no improvement.

The woman frowned. “You mean no one told you?”

Sharon’s heart fell into the pit of her stomach. “What?”

“He’s gone.” She said bluntly. “Sailed off this morning, maybe three or four. Back to his travelling again.”

Though it was difficult, Sharon tried not to look as though she felt like she’d been hit by a bus. She swallowed the lump in her throat, ignoring how strained her voice sounded. “O-Oh. Okay. No problem.”

Huge problem.

The woman went on her way, offering a weakly sympathetic smile before getting further and further away along the beach. 

For another half an hour, Sharon simply sat and continued to watch the sea, reeling from the shock of his sudden departure. As it grew colder, she realized that something had to be done, lest she freeze in the night out on the dock. She tried to consider her options, now that she was essentially stranded.

There were no more boats running from the island to the mainland; it was too late now. There wouldn’t be another until six the following morning, and that was far too long to wait.

She could sleep in the little cabin on the shore, but that wasn’t ideal. It was a rough night, the sea beginning to churn angrily as it got colder. The cabins weren’t exactly built to be safe in that kind of weather, and she’d spend the night terrified and cold in the bed, fearing that the cabin might collapse on her. Of course, it didn’t help that her cabin was where she had lost her virginity to Justin, who was no longer keeping her safe…

The shack at the top of the island was the safest bet she had, but Sharon ruled that one out too. For some reason, she had been struck with a wave of exhaustion that had burrowed right into her bones. Even now, petrified and bitterly cold, she felt on the verge of falling asleep. It was unusual for her - normally she was a bit of an insomniac, able to stay awake for hours on end. She knew that tonight especially, given how tired she was, that she would never be able to drag herself up to the top.

That left… nothing. 

Whether it was the cold, the fear, or something else entirely, Sharon felt sick. Before she could even think, the urge became too overwhelming, and she leant over the edge of the pier to vomit - just as a hand tapped her shoulder.

When she was done, she sniffed in embarrassment and turned to see who had tapped her. To her surprise, Willam was stood behind her, his brow furrowed in concern and confusion. He looked as though he was being ripped apart by the extreme change in weather.

“Are you okay? It’s fucking freezing out here!” He shouted over the wind. Sharon hadn’t realized how ferociously it had picked up, but her hair was flapping wildly around her face. “I thought you said you had a ride?”

Wordlessly, Sharon took Willam’s outstretched hand and managed to pull herself up, shivering violently. He pulled her close, opening up his coat to try and squeeze her into it along with him. It was a sweet gesture, even if the coat was as cold as Sharon herself. She appreciated the kindness.

“I-I did!” Sharon tried, her throat hoarse. “Turns out he l-left this morning and didn’t t-tell me. I need to g-get home!”

Willam began stroking her hair, murmuring quiet words of comfort. Although the wind tore the words away before Sharon could hear them, just the soothing tone of his voice was enough to help calm her panic. Everything was going to be okay. Even if her mom was going to go insane, everything would be alright for now. Willam was going to help her.

“I have a boat, okay?” Willam said, louder so he could be heard. “We’ll get you home, it’s gonna be alright. Stay with me, you’re okay.”

-

Everything else was a blur. Sharon, hunched and shivering but now draped in Willam’s coat, focused on making sure she wasn’t going to be sick again as she was bundled around. A man she didn’t recognise was untying Willam’s boat, and Willam himself was gently leading her inside. She couldn’t seem to take any of it in.

Thank the fucking lord for the interior of the boat. It was much grander than Jaremi’s, and warmer - that was all Sharon cared about. She allowed herself to be tucked up, slowly given water to sip, and warmed in one of the beds. Willam didn’t leave her side for a moment.

As the boat began to sail out, Willam sat down and smiled softly. “Goddamnit, Sharon. I’m not supposed to show you my soft side yet. You’re supposed to think I’m effortlessly cool and hilarious first. Then I seduce you, we fuck and then I show you my soft side. Then, of course, I find out you’re far too much for me to handle and our tragic love affair ends there.”

He smiled again as Sharon laughed. “But seriously. You can have anything you need from me, I’ve got you. You ever need a lift home, or somewhere to stay, I got your back. I’ll give you whatever you need.”

Starting to feel better, Sharon handed Willam his coat back and shifted into a sitting position, her legs covered by a thick blanket. He took the coat and balled it up, throwing it as far as he could just to make her laugh again. Her stomach settled, Sharon obliged.

“You have a great laugh. I could fall in love with that laugh.”

“I’d be careful. I’m a minefield.” Sharon told him, grinning. “You heard the song tonight. You know I’ve got baggage.”

Willam nodded. “Is the asshole who left you here the asshole in the song?”

Sharon shook her head.

“Yikes. You really have been fucked over.” Willam cringed. “Anything I can do to help?”

Don’t do it, Sharon. Don’t cave. Don’t make the same fucking mistake again, you know it’s wrong. Don’t give in.

“Get your shirt off and get over here.”

Goddammit, universe.

-

When Sharon woke up, she felt warm. It was a comfortable, familiar kind of warm - the kind of warmth that comes from the body of a lover, cuddling up close. As her foggy vision began to sharpen, she zeroed in on the handsome face of Willam, just above her. She was nestled into his chest, still naked, apparently having grown fond of him in her slumber. Making no effort to move, she closed her eyes once again, willing sleep to find her.

“I know you’re awake.” Came Willam’s voice, gruff with sleep.

Sharon didn’t react. “That’s nice.”

He laughed, his bronze chest juddering up and down, and snaked an arm around her, shifting her even closer than before. Sharon sighed contentedly and let him.

“Didn’t you say your mom was gonna be super mad at you?”

“She always is,” Sharon dismissed sleepily. “It’s not like it matters.”

Contrary to her expectations, spending the night with Willam hadn’t made Sharon’s heart tighten with that familiar, aching lust. If anything, she just felt close to him - the same way she felt after spilling her emotions to Raja or Jinkx. He felt safe, trustworthy even. He didn’t set her on fire like Justin had.

Nobody else ever could.

“Alright…” Willam drawled lazily. “So if I hop into the shower, with the premium deluxe pressure and more than enough room for another person, she wouldn’t mind if you joined me?”

Sharon smiled. “She wouldn’t ever have to know…”

She sat up and began to laugh slightly. “What the fuck is premium deluxe pressure?”

“Come find out.”

-

For most of the following week, as Raja and Jinkx grew busier with preparing for their rapidly-encroaching departure, Sharon found herself spending her time with Willam and his charismatic grandma. It was nice to be around a family that just seemed normal - not overly wrapped up in themselves and their romance, as was the case with Raja’s parents. Pat was old and could move very little, but she swore and drank like a sailor, and it made for some interesting times. Willam, of course, helped.

It seemed more than anything that, despite their frequent rendez vous, Willam was becoming a close friend. Their nature was more like a friendship than anything else - the sexual chemistry masked by their natural rapport. It was as if they’d been friends.

“It’s been a fucking nightmare trying to find support here, honestly.” Pat was saying, a glass of brandy sitting on the table before her. “Nobody wants to help a sweet little old lady these days.”

Willam snorted. “Sweet. Oh, what delusion.”

Sharon laughed. “Shut up! Let her be old and sad!”

Pat raised her glass in solidarity, her hands trembling but her resolve firm. Willam downed his as though it was a shot and shrugged.

“Why don’t you just die? Cheaper and easier for everyone involved, including you.” He suggested.

“You’d love that, wouldn’t you?” Pat replied dryly, sending them both into fits of laughter. “Not for me. I’ll pay a ton if it means someone will come and fuckin’ help me that isn’t you, Bill.”

For as much as they were joking, Sharon sympathised with the old lady. She loved the island more than anything else in her life - she couldn’t imagine life without it. A life unable to look out across its views, taking in the beach and the fresh sea-salt air; that wasn’t a life at all, really. She hoped somebody would be available to come and care for Pat.

As Willam got up, gathering their glasses and leaving the room, Pat turned on Sharon. There was a glimmer in her eye, a kindly smile on her face. Even though she had only met her just a week ago, Sharon felt insanely grateful for her presence in her tumultuous life.

“He’s off next week, I’m sure he told you. Chasing his fortune in LA. He’ll miss you, of course.”

Sharon nodded. “I’m sure I’ll miss him too.”

The conversation had happened the night before, as they lay naked on top of one another - although Sharon left that detail out of her mind when she was with Pat. Willam, never one to hide anything, had come clean about his time on the island.

“I had to make sure she was okay. We were hoping to find someone to care for her, but if she has to go into assisted living then that’s that.” He held Sharon close. “It’s a shame, though.”

“Yeah…” Sharon agreed, not sure what else to say. “She seems like such a free spirit.”

Willam emitted his seal-laugh, the one that always made Sharon crack up. “She likes free spirits, I know that for certain. But yeah - I’ll be leaving soon. Five days.”

He stretched. “You have five days to enjoy this luscious body of mine before I go back to LA. I’m an actor over there.”

At least she had a little bit of a warning. Unlike Justin, who she was sure might’ve stayed, or Jaremi, who had left without a second thought, Willam had given her time. He was the first to think that far ahead, she assumed.

Not wanting her message to be misconstrued, Sharon gently tugged the duvet covers, trying to preserve some of her modesty before she spoke. She had always found it difficult to articulate anything just after sex, so it took her a little while to think of what she wanted to say.

“Look… Willam… without sitting here and talking about all the different ways my heart has been broken recently, I just want to say this. My friends are leaving soon and I don’t want everything to fall apart and leave me here missing you. So… can we not do a goodbye?”

She chewed her lip. “I mean, I’ll say goodbye to you. We can hug and I’ll see you off and whatever, that’s fine. But I don’t want any of the promises to keep in touch or visit, none of that awkward hanging on to something that doesn’t matter. I don’t want to know if I meant anything to you, or how much. I just want it to be over when it’s over, and we both know that it’s gonna be over. Is that- is that okay?”

Sharon expected that meeting his eyes would be awkward. He would look at her like she was broken, some kind of delicate flower he needed to treat gently. In the worst case scenario, his eyes would be filled with pity.

She looked up. Willam was smiling - not kindly, not sympathetically - just normally. “Sure. No goodbyes here. Nada. None.”

“Alright. Okay. Good.”

Willam laughed. “You have a massive hickey right by your nipple. I can’t be serious anymore, that’s so funny. Look at it!”

It had gone better than she thought it would.

“I’ll be fine.” Sharon dismissed it. “I’m a big girl, I can cope without a boy.”

Pat clapped her wrinkled hands. “That’s it, sweetheart! Atta girl. A life without men in it does wonders for your complexion, anyway. You won’t get stress lines if you don’t have a walking stress, bugging you for orgasms every ten minutes.”

Sharon howled with laughter. She suspected that maybe Pat was right.

-

Sex and laughter. That was how Sharon summed up her final week with Willam.

They had sex, they laughed, they sang. It was a blur of mindless fun that meant nothing to either of them. The two of them had grown close, three including Pat, but Willam had to leave. It was okay. Sharon had had ample time to prepare to be properly alone, and she didn’t mind so much anymore.

At the dock was the last place she saw him. He was stood next to his boat, the very ship he had taken her on when she was cold and in need. It would be taking him to somewhere in the middle of Europe, where he would then catch a first class flight back to LA - with the same sunshine, but less paradisiacal whimsy. 

He was just standing there, looking pretty. Sharon crossed her arms.

“I guess this is goodbye?” Willam said, the cheeky grin on his face only highlighting just how clearly he remembered the post-coital promise he had made.

Sharon scowled. “Fuck off, Willam. I don’t do goodbyes. I’m an all or nothing kind of girl.”

Slowly becoming serious, Willam touched a bruise on his neck and softened. “Don’t I know it. So I’ll be seeing you?”

At Sharon’s raised eyebrow, he started to giggle. “I’m kidding, I’m kidding. I know. It’s over.”

“Yeah.” Sharon nodded. “Probably not. But for what it’s worth, have a nice life.”

He grinned. “You too. You deserve it. I mean that.”

Things were verging into dangerous territory. Sharon told him, in no uncertain terms, to shut up, and he did.

Then he was on the boat, waving.

Then he was gone.


	6. Chapter 6

_ “Mommy! Mommy, look!”_

_The little girl, her hair in messy pigtails around her face, was playing with her younger brother. She couldn’t have been any more than five years old. Sharon smiled, nodding intently to show her daughter that she was paying attention. It was one of those lazy summer days, most of which had been spent lying on a towel, watching her beautiful children play as she soaked up the sun. Next to her, Justin was watching too, his gaze filled with adoration._

_“We’re so lucky,” Justin breathed, his voice low. His hands ghosted over Sharon’s sun-warmed skin, a tender display of affection._

_The little girl attempted a somersault, and they both clapped. When she righted herself, she was beaming._

_“Yeah. We are.” She agreed, burying her face in his shoulder. She allowed herself a moment of clarity, to just take in his scent as he watched the kids. Everything was perfect._

_The warm sensation soon faded, and as Sharon lifted her head, she was filled with an icy shock. Her face was no longer buried in Justin’s shoulders. He wasn’t anywhere to be seen. He was no longer watching the kids, and they were screaming - crying out desperately as an unseen force dragged them into the sea. Their tiny fingers left lines in the sand as they tried to anchor themselves to the shore._

_Soon she found herself running, ignoring how the beach had transitioned from idyllic and peaceful to grey and violent. The wind whipped at her as she tried to run at her children, biting at her skin and forcing her back. The last she saw of her children, their screams were being swallowed by the monstrous waves that were cannibalizing the beach. _

Sharon sat bolt upright, panting. She was covered in a sheen of cold sweat, having awoken in a sheer panic from her nightmare.

They had been happening for five nights in a row now, and she didn’t know what to make of them.

It wasn’t always children. Sometimes she was on stage, performing as usual, and one energetic jump would lead to the stage collapsing, and she would fall into an abyss, screaming. Other times, she was arguing with her mother, who would then pull out a knife and carve a grisly crucifixion onto her stomach. Whatever the dream, it was always harrowing, and she awoke the same way - in the peak of her terror, sweating and shaking.

She leant back, breathing heavily as she tried to relax. If this dream was textbook - following the pattern of all her others - then soon enough, she would be suffering with the more physical effects of her tormented mind.

Sure enough, like clockwork, the nausea within her rose quickly. It was a race against time, and Sharon was briefly grateful to be in the house she hated so much, as the bathroom was just a few feet from her bedroom door. Thankfully, she made it in good time, and ended up crouched over the toilet bowl, retching and spewing what little she had consumed.

Sharon had done everything she could think of to find the root of her weird dreams and sickness. Cutting out alcohol had been the first and most obvious one, but it seemed that a string of terrible hangovers hadn’t been causing her morning misery. She tried to eat better and move more, but nothing helped. After that, she’d been pretty stumped for causes.

The whole ordeal usually lasted about an hour, although she spent at least half of the day feeling sick and wobbly. She assumed, grimly, that that would be the case for as long as the illness lasted. In the meantime, she wasn’t going to let that stop her. With not so long left until her friends headed off into Europe to pursue their further education, Sharon wanted to spend every moment of her time with Jinkx and Raja.

Once she was sure that everything she had eaten had come back up, she cleaned herself up and got dressed, leaving as quickly as she could. There was a narrow window of time during which her mother would be out, pottering to do errands for the church, so she needed to take it to avoid a confrontation. It was the safest option to just avoid her as much as possible.

The state of her family life was depressing. Sharon closed the front door behind her and tried not to think about it.

-

Before heading to Raja’s, Sharon made a quick trip to the store near her house. It was her go-to - maybe because she could buy anything she wanted without fear of it being traced back to her mother. Despite Jinkx always claiming she was paranoid, Sharon knew her mother had eyes everywhere. Once, she had attempted to buy a magazine that had been deemed ‘inappropriate’ by her mother’s standards, and three different people had reported back to her mother. She knew most of them through church, and there was no shortage of religious fanatics working in and around the local shops. Sharon much preferred the safety of the shops near Raja, where no one she knew would frequent.

Her goodbye gifts already picked out, Sharon decided to just wander a little, mostly searching for the cider Raja had been begging her to get and hoping her nausea would calm down. She was just reaching for the third can when somebody bumped into her.

“Ooh, sorry!” A soft voice said. Sharon looked up, making eye contact with a gentle-looking woman. She was blushing with embarrassment, and gesturing apologetically towards her swollen stomach.

“I’m still figuring out how to manoeuver myself with this one! Sorry, sweetheart.” The woman continued. She patted Sharon’s shoulder before continuing on her way, the mishap already forgotten in her mind.

In complete contrast to the kindly woman, Sharon felt as though a cold fist had squeezed her heart into a vice grip. It was as if sense had slapped her straight in the face, and she was reeling from the sting of the revelation.

Feeling sicker than ever, she tossed the drinks into her bag and walked to the opposite corner of the store. A burning shame permeated her whole body as she scanned the aisle, overwhelmed with choice. It made her beyond angry that her supposed faith, something she didn’t believe in and never would, could still condition her to feel so disgusting.

The innocent white boxes lined the aisle from top to bottom, wall to wall. Some of them had smiling babies on, with big blue eyes and no teeth. Some had large, rounded bumps, as though the idiot models really needed that purchase just to make sure. Some of them were just plain and simple. Some of them showed couples embracing together, their loving expressions mocking her. We’re married, financially-stable adults planning a family. You’re a slut.

She snatched the closest one from the shelf and left, her cheeks flaming.

The cashier, of course, said nothing. He had no reason to care about the anxieties of a seventeen year old, despite Sharon’s worry that everyone was judging her. He didn’t even blink when she snatched up the offending box and buried it underneath the rest of her purchases, trying to pretend it wasn’t there.

At Raja’s house, it was all she could think about. The three cans of cider - which were, admittedly, amazing - had been poured into glasses, but she felt too nauseous to have much more than a sip of her own. It took all that she had to try and look normal, to mask the sickness and the anxiety that wrestled in the pit of her potentially-pregnant stomach. 

It was terrifying.

Whenever she spaced out, becoming entrapped in her own thoughts, she laughed herself out of it, pretending to Raja and Jinkx that she was just feeling a little dreamy.

“It’s probably sex-withdrawal.” Raja laughed. “I get all spacey when I haven’t fucked in too long. It’s been forever since we ran into asshole Justin for the first time. You haven’t been fucked in at least a month. It’s so bad when you get the bug for it. Go and find a man, it’ll drive you crazy if you don’t.”

Jinkx clinked their glasses together, clearly in agreement. “Or I’ll do it. Girls know what girls like.”

Sharon forced out a laugh. “Ha, maybe. I’m just gonna use the bathroom, I’ll be right back.”

Her mind was fixated on that evil box, still sitting at the bottom of her bag. If she didn’t do it now, she would never have the courage to find out. Her bubbling apprehension wouldn’t be able to stay simmering long enough to play the waiting game. She had to find out, if only to put her mind at rest.

She practically tore through the box, gulping as the little stick fell into her hands. It was a clean slate, waiting to predict her future. Reading the instructions on how to make the plastic fortune-teller work, she sat and wished the damn thing would just stay blank. She needed to know, but knew she couldn’t face it.

“If sufficient levels of HCG are present then…” Sharon mumbled under her breath, reading the label. She almost tossed it onto the floor when she reached the end.

How obnoxious. If she was pregnant, two lines would appear, and the little smiley face already at the end of the stick would smile at her, reflecting the happiness that all new mothers should feel. To most people who bought it, it was a sweet memory to look back on. To Sharon, it would be a garish joker, taunting her of her stupidity.

In order to avoid arousing suspicion, she activated the test and then shoved it deep into her pocket. As a decoy, she flushed the toilet, washed her hands and headed out, making a show of looking calm and casual. Her cider glass was empty, and the mischievous grins of her friends told her exactly where the drink had gone.

“You snooze, you lose.” Jinkx told her triumphantly. “Sorry. Did you buy any more?”

“No. I didn’t buy anything else.” Sharon said, a little too quickly. “It’s okay, anyway. You guys like it more than I do.”

Any conversation she tried to make was pointless, and every fibre of her being just wanted to burst into tears. It would be a while until she saw Raja and Jinkx again, after they’d left, and she didn’t want them to remember her as depressed and dull, a shell of the lively girl they knew her as. That was how she’d been ever since Justin left, even with her distractions on the side, but now it was worse than ever. The worry was killing her.

All she needed was to see one line, and the smiley face would look kindly, reminding her that even though her luck was terrible, somebody up there was on her side. Surely, someone up there had seen how her heart had been broken three times by lovers, about to be broken a fourth by her friends, and would cut her some slack. There was no way she was that unlucky.

Whilst Raja and Jinkx started discussing their plans for the future, Sharon held her breath and started to count.

“I wonder how many hot French boys there’ll be in Paris.”

One, two, three, four, five, six… What happens if there’s a positive? What if it’s a false?

“Apparently the place is like, rife with lesbians. There’s an infestation. Sounds like my kinda place.”

Thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, sixteen, seventeen, eighteen… Could I really be pregnant?

“My dad paid for the nicest accommodation ever, I’m so excited. You two have to visit me there!”

Twenty eight, twenty nine, thirty, thirty one, thirty two, thirty three… How will I pay for a baby? I’ll need to get a job and find somewhere to live…

“My halls have this huge auditorium! We could put on a concert there!”

Forty two, forty three, forty four, forty five, forty six, forty seven… Would I be a good mom? What do you even do?

“I’m gonna miss you so much, Sharon. You gotta come and visit.”

Fifty five.

“Yeah! Same here. I wish you could come too.”

Fifty six. I’ll be fine. It’s gonna be fine.

“I can’t believe our last show is next weekend. It’s all happening so fast.”

Fifty seven. Fuck, it’s not going fast enough.

“This summer has been the best one ever. I’ll never forget it.”

Fifty eight. This has been the longest minute of my life.

“Me neither. I feel like everything has changed this summer. It’s completely unforgettable.”

Fifty nine. Oh god, I can’t look.

“God, I love you girls so much.”

Sixty.

She looked.

“Are you crying?”

Sharon wiped her eyes with her sleeve, chuckling weakly. “Oh, ignore me, seventeen and crying over my friends. I’m just thinking about how much I’m gonna miss us! I’m nothing without you two, my best friends.”

Raja softened. “Aww, sweetheart! You’re a strong, fiercely independent woman, whether we’re here or not. I’m gonna miss you every day!”

“I think we need a hug, no more tears.” Jinkx insisted. “Hugs fix everything.”

Sharon laughed once again, sniffing as she buried herself into her friend’s embrace. Hugs fix everything, except for when you have an unfixable problem growing inside you. 

Two little lines stared back at her.

Justin had cheated; Jaremi had run away; Willam had gone home. Her two best friends - her only friends - were leaving: Raja for Paris and Jinkx for Amsterdam.

And Sharon was pregnant.

-

It wasn’t going away. Normally, if she tried hard enough, she could simply ignore the problem and it would go away. It would disappear and float away into the ether, and she would wonder why she had ever worried about something so obsolete.

It wasn’t working this time.

For one, it never left her mind. Her dreams were cursed with visions of shrieking babies and boyfriends who would flit in and out, breaking up with her in various ways. During the day, her mind was haunted in the same way - the vision of that positive swirling in the back of all of her thoughts. She had an aversion to the fish in the marketplace and thought, absentmindedly, it was probably to do with that. She saw babies being carried by their sweet, caring mothers and wondered if she really had it in her to be a mom, or whether she had to take some kind of action to end it.

Secondly, her sickness only worsened. In order to avoid her mother noticing, she had been leaving the house early; she rose before five just so she could go out and be sick somewhere else. The nausea didn’t seem to want to leave her, either. It hung around all day, jolting her stomach at the slightest scent it didn’t agree with. Two nights ago, at the taverna, the heady scent of beer had set her off, leading to Raja and Jinkx performing without her as she retched in the dressing room toilet. All she had to do was say she had a bug, and they left it at that. Even when she seemed fine, they didn’t ask. Sharon was glad for that. When she flat-out refused to perform the next night, they shrugged and assumed she was still wobbly.

And last - but worst of all - it wasn’t physically going away. The damned thing was slowly becoming more visible, and she had begun to notice it.

The final Supermodels show had come upon them, and Sharon decided she couldn’t miss it for the world. It was a Saturday; in just four short days, her friends would be jetting off to begin the next chapter of their lives, leaving her to figure out how she would handle the next chapter of her own. Despite her anxiety and nausea, Sharon was resolute. She was going to do the show.

A full length mirror stood before her. They had decided, for their grand ‘going away’ performance, they would break out the showy little number they reserved for special occasions. Each of them had a specific colour dress - Sharon in blue, Raja in orange and Jinkx in green - which reached about mid-thigh and clung tight. There was a zip at the back and sequins bedazzling the entire outfit. It was beautiful.

It was also too small.

Sharon had always been slim. Growing up with her strict mother, who was always the type to belittle her for eating too much, she had been spindly and wiry for most of her childhood. As she’d gotten older, she’d grown a little curvier - not as curvy as Jinkx, but not as skinny as Raja. Either way, she had always been a slim girl. But now she was changing, and rapidly.

“Damn, girl! You could take somebody’s eyes out with those!” Jinkx had joked earlier that evening, gesturing at Sharon’s chest. That was worrying enough, but it only increased when she tried the fucking dress on.

It would not zip. The tiny zip went over her thighs, just towards her hips, and then stopped. No amount of force could tug it upwards, no matter how hard she tried. The little tell-tale tummy she’d acquired was making sure of that. Against her better judgement, she tried to suck it in, but to no avail. The curve of her tummy remained, the zip stayed stuck.

Examining herself in the mirror, Sharon frowned. Her chest felt tight. Her own body felt alien, as though it didn’t belong to her. Instead it belonged to that thing, the thing taking up residence inside her.

Sharon mustered as much courage as she could simply to open her mouth. It took a few seconds for the words to follow.

“Hey I… I don’t think I’m gonna do the show tonight. You girls go ahead without me.”

It was pathetic, how shaky and unsure she sounded. Raja and Jinkx’s fluid conversation about whether they should ever switch up the colour scheme silenced immediately, and Sharon cursed herself. It was the last show the girls might ever get to do in their current states, their final goodbye to this part of their lives. They couldn’t just do it without her.

Jinkx sounded hurt. “We’re a trio! We can’t be The Supermodels if we’re a duo!”

“Just do it!” Sharon snapped, her voice shrill. Reality was falling onto her shoulders, crushing her beneath its weight, and the fear of change had encapsulated her heart. If they carried on asking questions, she would have to tell them, and if she had to tell them then she had to acknowledge that it was happening, and she really really really was not ready to acknowledge what was happening.

At her tone, Raja’s voice softened. “Still not feeling good, darling?” She asked. She sounded almost motherly, tinged with the care and love Sharon knew she wouldn’t get from her own mother. “It’ll pass, I promise.”

Sharon sighed. “Yeah. B-But it’s not just that.”

“What else is stopping you?” She pressed, gently.

All at once, everything that was stopping her seemed to form an avalanche of emotion, crushing her chest and squeezing her ribcage until she could do nothing but break. Tears began brimming in Sharon’s eyes, slowly enough that it gave Jinkx and Raja time to edge forwards until they were just behind her screen.

“My… my dress. It doesn’t… fit, anymore.” Sharon sniffed, trying to hold back the steadily increasing stream of her tears with little success. Every fibre of her being didn’t want to tell them, didn’t want to have to acknowledge it, but there was no avoiding it now.

Sharon covered her face as they joined her, all three staring into the same mirror. Her vision was blurred from the tears, and she felt Raja’s hand on her exposed back, where the dress should’ve been zipped. Each of them just stared, not sure what to say, not wanting to assume the obvious.

“Take it off, sweetie,” Jinkx instructed softly, moving to assist Raja in unzipping the dress and letting Sharon step out of it. “That’s it, you’re okay.”

In just her underwear, Sharon felt more exposed than ever. There was no hiding her secret from her friends anymore, no convenient bags or flowy shirts to obscure it from sight. The tears slowed a little, allowing her a shaky view of herself in the mirror. Jinkx and Raja clung to her as if trying to keep her in one piece, seeming to sense how close she was to collapsing.

“Fucking Justin.” Raja cursed, quietly. “He did this to you.”

Sharon pushed down the doubts in her mind, the subtle suggestion that maybe this wasn’t him. She knew it was likely, but she knew there were two other candidates who she could never mention.

“I know,” She breathed. “I don’t know what to do.”

Jinkx bit her lip. “You can either keep it or… not.”

“I’m not ready to make that choice.”

“You shouldn’t have to be.” Raja butted in, her tone fierce and her eyes flaming. “He should’ve been more careful, he shouldn’t have let this fucking happen to you!”

“It takes two, Raj!” Sharon found herself almost shouting. “It wasn’t just him! This isn’t his fault.”

In a moment of confusing, blind anger, Sharon stormed away from her friends to gather her regular clothes, tired of feeling vulnerable and naked. The tension in the dressing room had quickly become thick enough to cut, as it became clear that neither of the three girls knew how to react to the situation they were confronted with.

“Why are you defending him? You should be furious. This is huge.” Raja changed her tone, suddenly solemn and serious.

Sharon sighed. “Don’t you see? I have nothing to be furious at. Justin’s gone, he doesn’t know anything about this. I can’t get mad at him for something he knows nothing about.” She paused. “And… I don’t know. It doesn’t seem fair to get mad at…”

Her throat closed up. Jinkx, her eyes welling up with tears, rushed over and nearly toppled her with the force of her bear hug.

“The baby.” She supplied, tearfully saying what Sharon didn’t seem to be able to do. “You can’t be furious at a baby.”

Immediately after, the mood of the room seemed to shift. Everything was out in the open now. Jinkx had delivered the bomb they were all waiting for, and now they had to discuss the fallout.

“The baby,” Raja repeated, seemingly awestruck. “Oh my god, there’s a baby.” 

Sharon wrapped her arms around her stomach, as if to hide it. “There’s a baby.”

She told them as much as she could bear; the nights with Justin, the bouts of sickness and the strange dreams, how she had taken the test in Raja’s house and kept up the smiles as her world crashed down at her feet. Now that she was confessing it all to her friends, she felt bad for being so secretive. Part of her knew she should tell them about the other potential fathers, but for the sake of her own dignity she decided against it. They, of course, would never shame her, but she saw no sense in naming the two men that her friends would never meet. It was best not to overcomplicate things. After all, it was difficult enough with a baby.

“It’s okay, though,” Raja was saying, back to business as usual. “I’ll book you in with my doctor, darling, she’s fantastic. She does confidentiality like it’s nobody’s business, literally. Never told a soul when I had that STI test. Which, by the way, was negative because I’m clean.”

Her intelligent, abrupt nature was already doing wonders for Sharon’s peace of mind. Raja was always good at sorting through the bullshit - sometimes lacking in tact, but with a kind heart determined to fix each and every problem she encountered. 

“I can’t afford your doctor, Raj.” Sharon told her. “I don’t have any money of my own. And there’s no way my mom can pay without asking what it’s for and then finding out.”

Raja rolled her eyes. “Oh my god, Needles. I’m paying for the doctor, shut up.”

“You don’t ha-”

“Bitch, I said shut up. I’m paying for it. It’s not an offer or an obligation, I’m just doing it.”

She blew a kiss and stepped out of the dressing room as Sharon giggled weakly. Jinkx kissed her temple.

“Whatever decision you make, we’re with you the whole way.” She promised. “And we would be great aunties.”

Sharon nodded. “I don’t know what I’ll choose yet. Maybe I should just… give the thing up for adoption. I’d be a terrible mother. I don’t exactly have the best role model.”

Jinkx scoffed. “Be your own role model.” She shrugged. “If you decide to keep the baby, who’s to say you’d be a bad mom? I think you’d be amazing. It’s about love, not being perfect. And I know you have a lot of love in you.”

In some ways, Sharon appreciated Jinkx’s gentle, caring instincts more than her sly sense of humour. It was a relief to have a friend that she could laugh with and cry with, who would hold her tightly and work through her emotions until she could stand on her own two feet again. She had a feeling that, depending on the choice she made, their support would be all that she had to keep herself going.

Raja reappeared. “I cancelled the show. Let’s get you out of here.”

-

Two major changes had taken over Sharon’s life, and she finally felt prepared to face them. The morning, as she knew, would be difficult - she would be seeing off her friends in their brand new beginning and then getting ready to face her own. None of her decisions had been easy, but she felt that they were the best ones she could make.

Surprisingly, as she lingered at the top of the staircase, trying to fill herself with the confidence to walk past her mom and out of the door, she found that the old fear that used to gnaw at her was ebbing away. The heavily-adorned crosses all over the walls judged her and she judged them back, wondering how a woman who believed so deeply in a man dying for their sins could be so against love and acceptance. The so-called mother she had grown up with was nothing more than a bully using the cover of religion as a defense, and Sharon wasn’t going to be afraid of her anymore.

She headed downstairs.

“I’m going out,” She called into the kitchen. Unfortunately, she wasn’t able to dash from the kitchen to the front door, and her mom soon confronted her.

“No you’re not, young lady.” She admonished. Her hands were covered in flour, leaving white marks all over her sensible floral dress. “The church bake sale is today and I told them we would be there to help sell everything. You’ve been slacking again, Sharon, and I won’t have it.”

All of her confidence gathered from moments ago deflated like a sad balloon. Still, Sharon stood fast. “Well, you’re gonna have to tell them they’re down a member, because I’m not going.”

Her mom narrowed her eyes. “Don’t argue with me. You know what I can do.”

“You can’t do shit to me.” Sharon bit back. “I’m going to see off Raja and Jinkx, they’re leaving today. That’s that.”

“It’s always about you, isn’t it?” Her mom replied, taking a step closer. Instinctively, Sharon took one back. “I slave away to make sure you have a home, food, a good Christian upbringing and a decent education, and what do I get in return? I get your rudeness, your attitude.”

Sharon tried to interject, but there was no stopping her.

“I give you a home, you’re never here. I feed you, you don’t eat it. I diligently take you to church and you swear and sin like a heathen, purposely embarrassing me when all I do is try and do my best for you. You didn’t try at school, and now you’re wasting your time on sin and recreation even when I try to offer alternatives. So I have to discipline you, and then you think I’m evil. I’m not evil, I’m not disgraceful. You are. You’re a selfish daughter.”

Already, Sharon could tell things were going to go from bad to worse. The morning had barely started and they were already getting into a heavy argument that she knew would end in disaster.

“I’m selfish? Because you like to hit me?” She asked, in disbelief. “Do you think I enjoyed telling my teachers that my bruises were from me being some kind of fucking idiot, because you told me you’d do it again if I told them the truth? Because I didn’t fucking enjoy that, mother.”

“Don’t use that vile language, Sharon. It’s unbecoming of a young lady, as far from one as you might be.” Her mom hissed. “I don’t enjoy hitting you. I do what’s necessary to keep you in line. Our Lord told us to discipline our children. All I ever try to do is his bidding. All you care about are disgusting words and disgusting sins.”

All at once, a surge of white-hot anger lacerated Sharon’s body, releasing the boldness that Raja and Jinkx had always urged her to use. “Oh, fuck you and your shitty religion. Fuck you, fuck God, fuck Dad for never being here. His shitty missionary activism means nothing. All you care about is that everyone follows your fucking Bible and you focus so much on the lives of innocent strangers that you don’t even notice the shit happening right in front of your own eyes!”

She was pacing now, trying to rid herself of the all-consuming frenetic energy. “Fuck you. I’m not the selfish one, you are.”

Her outburst would not go unpunished. As she had seen many times before, her mom’s eyes flashed dangerously. It was as if all at once, her kindly Christian mother facade had melted away, flickering back to reveal her twisted reality. Though physically, nothing changed besides the clenched jaw and closed fist, Sharon suddenly saw her through the lens of her childhood fears. She was eight feet tall, laughing maliciously, her hands slowly raising upwards as she prepared to deliver a menacing blow. It would leave bruises that she should be ashamed of, for the abusive monster had won again and again.

Not again.

“Don’t you fucking dare touch me!” Sharon yelled. Her eyes were filled with furious tears. “I will never let you treat me like a doormat ever again. I will never let you abuse me in the name of your fucking God. This isn’t just about me anymore, which you would know if you fucking paid attention to the child you pretend to love.”

Without even realising, Sharon cupped her hands over her stomach. Somewhere in there, tucked away in the small bump she could feel beneath her fingers, she knew her baby was rooting for her.

“You disgust me.”

Her mom’s tone was much quieter, the fiery, destructive anger replaced with the slow black smoke that lingered afterwards. It was tinged with loathing, telling of her honest reaction to the news. Somewhat calmed - unbelievably - by the feeling of the bump in her hands, Sharon closed her eyes.

“Mom, please.”

Anything else she wanted to say to defend herself dissipated. Her mom’s sheer hatred silenced her before she could even process her own thoughts.

“Seventeen?!” She exclaimed, incensed, and threw her hands up in the air. “And I did everything right, too. I was a good Catholic mother. Lord, what did I do to deserve a slut for a daughter?!”

Despite everything, it still felt like a punch in the gut to hear such scathing words from the only person who was supposed to love her unconditionally. Sharon had known she would react explosively, but it hurt more than she wanted to admit.

“Mom, I-”

The woman stood before her pursed her lips, perfectly still. Her gaze was livid, her body stiff with rage. She looked at Sharon as though she were scum, a piece of dirt, a blight on her picture perfect life.

“I didn’t raise you to be like this.”

“You didn’t raise me at all!” Sharon bit back. “You were never here for me. You’re a shitty mother!”

“I’m not your mother.” She delivered the final blow in a low voice. “No daughter of mine would turn out to be a whore. A slut. You’re on your own.”

Swallowing the lump in her throat, Sharon raised her chin as high as she could. “Good riddance. This is the last time you’ll ever see me.”

“Get out of my house.”

Carrying only an old diary and an album full of photos with her, Sharon crossed the threshold of her front door for the last time, and heard it slam behind her. There was no going back now.

“We’re gonna be okay, you and me,” She whispered, her head hung low. “We’ll build a life together. I’ll be a good mom, I swear. I’ll show you just how much I love you, every day.”


	7. Chapter 7

Sharon had never felt more out of place in her life. The waiting room was mostly, for one, filled with elderly people, who kept to themselves until their name and number was called, when they would shuffle down the corridor and disappear into one of the many rooms. For the extreme opposite, the only young patients seemed to be children, coughing and spluttering and playing with the starkly coloured toys in the corner of the room. Sharon could tell from the decor that the clinic was expensive and high quality, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t bleak and grim at the best of times.

She tugged her coat around her body self consciously and shifted in her chair. Five minutes had been the expected wait time she had been given, and yet fifteen had passed with no mention of her name. Considering her increasingly-often need to dash to the bathroom for one reason or another, she wasn’t enjoying her time so far. And of course, on top of everything, she felt utterly exhausted.

In all honesty, she didn’t know what was about to happen. General knowledge told her she would be lying down and talking about what lay ahead of her, but she knew none of the specifics.

She really wished her friends could be with her.

Raja had wanted to come, and both her and Jinkx had begged for catch-up work so that they could miss their first two lectures to attend the appointment and then travel back, but they had been unsuccessful. Which meant - as Sharon had expected, but still foolishly hoped otherwise - she would be going in alone.

She knew her support base were thinking of her, but she really, really wished they were sat beside her. Raja would be boosting her self-esteem and Jinkx would be making her laugh, all while they rubbed her hands and soothed the churning anxiety in her mind.

Instead, she bounced her leg and hoped that would help to eradicate the nervousness.

“27, Mrs Abby Baker to see Dr Reed.” The automated voice called out.

Another white-haired woman struggled to her feet and shuffled, insanely slow, to her appointment. Sharon tried not to lose her mind and stared at the painting of a bunch of sunflowers in front of her.

Her mind had been made up; admittedly, she had made her choice the second her mom kicked her out of the house and disowned her. Raja and Jinkx warned her to think on it, just in case it was a spur of the moment, hot-headed decision, but she was sure. She still took their advice, however, and the more she dwelled on it, the more she knew she was making the right choice for her.

One way or another, she was going to have a baby.

After all, the baby didn’t ask to get mixed up in the drama and confusion of her summer. A six-week long affair and two fortnight flings had resulted - somewhere along the line - in the creation of a life that had the potential to be the best thing in Sharon’s topsy-turvy world.

Even if it wasn’t the best thing, it was pretty much the only thing she had. Sharon didn’t have a home, a penny to her name or any belongings worth keeping besides her few treasured items. It wasn’t going to be easy, but she was going to do her best to keep going.

Besides, in terms of her home life, it wasn’t like her decision mattered. Her mom would regard her as a sinner no matter what choice she made. She would still be alone, without a home or any money. 

So she was going to see if the baby was healthy. If it was, she would keep it. Then it would be off to the island to begin a new life. Sharon comforted herself with the knowledge that she would only have to go to the mainland for checkups at the doctors and some occasional shopping. Everything else she needed could be obtained from her own little paradise - the island she would finally get to call her official home.

“31, Miss Sharon Needles to see Dr Visage.”

At the sound of her own name, Sharon’s breath hitched. She took a moment to compose herself and headed down the corridor. As she walked, she prayed silently that she wouldn’t completely embarrass herself by throwing up on the doctor, or something similar.

If Dr Visage did a double take at the nervous seventeen year old walking into her room, she did it subtly enough that it put Sharon’s mind a little at ease. The doctor had a kindly face, with thick dark hair tied back and sparkling eyes that told of her good humour and warm nature. She greeted Sharon with a friendly handshake and invited her to sit and talk before beginning.

“Sorry for such a long wait,” Dr Visage apologised. “You can call me Michelle, since I’m guessing I’ll be seeing you a lot. You’re Sharon Needles, correct?”

Sharon nodded.

“And you’re seventeen years old?”

Slightly embarrassed, Sharon opened her mouth as if to defend herself, only to be cut off with a reassuring voice.

“Hey, it’s okay.” Michelle told her. “I’m not here to push any agendas or judge you. My job is to support you and keep you and your baby healthy, nothing more. Don’t worry.” She smiled. “Now, I’m just going to ask you a few questions before we get started.”

She did her best to answer honestly, and listened carefully as Michelle explained why she was asking each question and what her answers would determine. She was gently walking Sharon through the entire appointment, which she felt incredibly grateful for.

“Alright,” Michelle scanned the computer screen in front of her. “I would put you at about nine weeks pregnant. Does that seem about right to you?”

Sharon thought back to where she had been nine weeks ago. Against her will, her mind was flooded with sensations she had tried to forget - the feeling of being nestled in Justin’s arms, foolishly believing it made sense that he would protect and cherish her. She stiffened.

“Yeah. Makes sense.”

Michelle smiled sympathetically, launching into a spiel about how it was difficult to predict the exact conception and clarifying that her estimation may be out by a few weeks - which made Sharon’s stomach churn. “We can discuss when you’ll be due in a moment, but it should definitely be in April. Now, I’m just going to set this up…”

Sharon’s mind was spinning. April. In April, she was going to have a baby. All of a sudden, a random day in a random month of the year would become one of the most significant dates in her life, and yet she had no idea which it would be. That thought alone sent her reeling, and she tuned in to what Michelle was saying a few seconds too late.

“I’m sorry, it’s going to go where?”

“It feels a little weird, but it doesn’t hurt.” She was reassured, with a little laugh. “And then I’ll just use this on your stomach if you can lay down here for me…”

Simply going along with Michelle’s instructions, Sharon lay back where she was directed, trying not to squirm as her shirt was lifted and the ultrasound set up. Michelle was busying around her, plugging things in and rigging sets and adjusting screens and switches that Sharon didn’t care to look at. Everything was happening far too quickly and she couldn’t take any of it in.

All at once, the room was filled with a strange hum. A faint gurgling thump could be heard. Sharon assumed it was the machine working - although not unpleasant, it was quite loud and she couldn’t make out anything in the crackling.

“That’s the heartbeat.” Michelle told her. “Hear it?” She imitated the quiet thumping with her hand. It was needless, however, because as soon as Sharon realized, her ears had identified the beating and she was transfixed.

“It’s already got its own little heart…” She murmured. “It’s so strong already. How is it this strong already?”

Michelle smiled warmly. “Their heart and your heart are going to work together in these coming months, as you’ll discover. Would you like to take a look at your baby?”

Choked up, Sharon just nodded. A lump had risen in her throat, much different to the usual nausea she felt. It took all of her willpower to hold back her tears in order to gaze at the screen, waiting for the image to appear. Michelle seemed to be as filled with anticipation as Sharon was, fiddling with the buttons in an almost frantic manner to strengthen the resolution.

The screen flickered to life. Sharon’s willpower shattered.

It was so small, curled up like a tiny bean right in the middle. Sharon had been expected some kind of shapeless blob that would trigger nothing inside her, and she found herself confronted with otherwise. She could make out a tiny head, the shape of a body and one little arm, raised as though it was waving at her.

“Baby’s just working on getting a little prettier for you,” Michelle commented, wordlessly handing her a tissue. “Most limbs are formed and their little heart is going strong. They’re looking perfectly healthy and a very good size. For reference…”

She leaned to one side, and then presented two photographs - one of her ultrasound, swiftly printed, and one of a small, pink cherry. “This is the rough size of your baby right now.”

Sharon’s fingers closed around the pictures, the tears spilling over her cheeks. “How can I already love it so much?”

Her baby, no bigger than a cherry, was tucked up inside her at that very moment, heart beating like crazy, and Sharon knew in that moment she would protect it with her life.

“I know just how you feel.” Michelle told her. “I have two daughters of my own… it’s scary but it’s magical. Treasure it as much as you can.”

-

With the appointment out of the way, and the realization of the baby solidified in her mind, Sharon turned her attention to the next most pressing matter - money. Again, Raja had offered all kinds of loans and financial assistance to help her, but Sharon knew she couldn’t rely on her friends forever. She felt bad even taking a penny from them. She needed work.

Sometimes, when desperate, she had been able to score shifts at the taverna that Maria owned, before the band would perform. Working the bar was easy, and it was decently popular among both locals and tourists, but she wasn’t too keen on that idea. Being surrounded with alcohol and drunk people during late night shifts…

No, it didn’t really appeal. Briefly, she wondered what opportunities there were for work on the island. Most of the businesses were family-owned, family-run, passed down from generation to generation. They were lifelong trades taught by father to son and mother to daughter, long-forgotten but highly valued arts that she had no chance of learning. She could sew, yes, but that wasn’t really enough. She had no hope of breaking into any local industries.

Then it hit her.

“Nope. No way. No way, sweetheart! I can’t let you do that!”

“Please, Pat!” Sharon begged, standing her ground so the powerful little woman couldn’t push her away. “You need me, I need you. It just makes sense!”

Pat sank into her armchair, sighing defeatedly. Her fingers curled around the glass of bourbon - an offer that Sharon had politely refused - and she swirled the liquid inside, staring at Sharon through the glass rather than directly in the eyes.

“Honey, how can I let you throw away your life looking after some crazy old lady?” She asked, pursing her lips. “I know you care, bless your heart, but you have so many opportunities, just like your friends.”

Sharon shook her head. “I don’t, Pat. I wish I did. But I need this job, and you need me.”

“Sharon… why do you need this job so much?” Pat’s voice was heavy. She seemed to sense the almost solemn mood of the conversation, the gradual shift from a casual offer to a hint of desperation.

Lowering her head, Sharon swallowed and crossed one leg over the other, fidgeting uncomfortably. It felt strange to be sitting opposite the old woman without Willam slung over her lap, but that was part of her predicament in the first place. She would have to get used to it - because she wasn’t taking no for an answer.

“I think you know why.” She mumbled, and cleared her throat. “If she hasn’t told everyone out of shame and disgust, then you’ve probably already noticed.”

Sharon didn’t miss Pat’s wince. It was unsurprisingly but still hurtful that her mom had outed her business to everybody in the church and wider community. She followed Pat’s gaze, watching as she eyed Sharon’s stomach and then, for the first time, looked into her eyes.

“I have to ask-”

“I don’t know.” Sharon predicted the question before it could leave her lips. “Would you still take me on if it wasn’t his?”

Pat smiled gently. “Sweetheart, you know I don’t care about that. I just don’t want you to be trapped to some old lady, whether or not there’s a relative of mine in there.”

“Pfft,” Sharon retorted. “You’re hilarious, and you barely look older than twenty five.” At that, Pat laughed. “And I need money, first of all. Babies… babies are expensive.”

“You’re damn right. Fuck it, shut that door and make yourself comfortable. You’re hired.”

That solved two issues that had been pressing on Sharon’s mind since the appointment. From then, she fell into a comfortable, if slightly busy, routine. Each morning she rose early - most often to be sick whilst Pat, unable to bend over, perched on the edge of the bath to rub her back - and then made breakfast. Pat would then indulge in whatever she wanted to do that day, often drinking or visiting the market or just going on a short walk to the beach and back again, Sharon assisting her along the way. After lunch, another meal cooked by Sharon as she honed her skill, Pat would have a little siesta. In that time, Sharon found herself cleaning, finding the repetitive process oddly cathartic in soothing her growing anxiety. The day would finish after a late evening meal, a long chat and collapsing into bed.

It was an easy, relaxing structure to follow. It gave Sharon time to think, to focus on what she wanted, and update her friends on every little change through letters.

Pat had been asking a question for a while that Sharon didn’t want to answer. It was far too grim, too morbid for her to dwell on without getting teary. She wasn’t crying at every tiny instance, as Jinkx’s letters had been convinced she would, but it never failed to cause her eyes to grow misty.

“You need to think about it, Sharon. This won’t last forever.”

Sharon blinked and shook her head, continuing to polish the mirror. “Pat, I won’t let you keep talking like this.”

“But really!” Pat exclaimed, throwing her arms into the air. “I know we like to have a laugh, darling, but I’m ninety three years old and I’m… not in the best of health. This job isn’t a permanent fixture. Soon enough I’ll be in God’s kingdom, hopefully smiting your cow of a mother.”

Sharon giggled weakly, the joke doing little to alleviate the heavy topic. “I can’t think about that now. I have a job, an income and a baby to think about.”

Pat hummed. “I know, I know. But there must be more to life than this for you. You must have some kind of dream, some hope for something better. I’m a wealthy woman, sweetheart, I can help you, but not for much longer. Not with the way I drink, anyway.”

Shaking her head, Sharon opened her mouth to reply but was cut off. “As your boss, I demand you tell me no lies and indulge me in your biggest fantasy. If you could do anything, what would you want? Realistic or not.”

“I…” Sharon swallowed, dropping the rag and studying herself in the mirror. Her bump had grown. “I want to have my own hotel. I don’t know what I’d call it, but it would be peaceful. You don’t have to worry about anything when you’re there. If you need somewhere safe to go, you’ve got your own little pocket of paradise to go to. There’s no angry parents, you can just dance and enjoy the food and the entertainment like you’re supposed to.” Inadvertently, she balled a fist. “No one judges you for being a single mom. Nobody stares and calls you names. You get treated like a real person there.”

Pat’s expression softened. “Sweetheart-”

“It’s a pipe dream.” Sharon said abruptly, picking up the rag from the floor and viciously scrubbing at the mirror. “I’m young and I’m pregnant and I’m poor. I didn’t graduate high school. What would I know about running a business?”

The old woman shook her head. “You’re thinking too much. Who says you can’t? If you had a bunch of buildings and some money to make it into a hotel, who says you won’t be able to make some magic out of it?”

Sharon sighed. “I don’t know.”

Slowly, carefully, the old woman rose from her seat, shuffling to slip on her shoes and then pressing a kiss to Sharon’s forehead. She beckoned Sharon outside, leading her down the front path and up some of the many steps around the island.

“Pat… where are we going?”

She shrugged. “I could tell you were getting upset, so I figured I’d cheer you up. I have a little gift for you. A thank you for everything you’re doing for me.”

Sharon shook her head as they walked. “Pat, you don’t have to thank me! I’m happy to be caring for you, and I…”

She trailed off. The walk had only been ten minutes at most, and now the two found themselves stood in front of a small cottage. It was wide and squat, tucked in the landscape like most of the tavernas, and the front door was wide open. Pat was smiling.

“Pat.”

“Check it out.”

“Pat.”

“Go on. Go inside.” Pat grinned, pleased with herself.

“Pat, you didn’t…”

Pat nodded. “Go look around!”

Somewhere inside her, Sharon knew she should’ve been feeling a little guilty. Pat had paid out of pocket for this little place, all for her. It was by no means big, but Sharon didn’t need acres of land and a house filled with splendour. She needed a home to raise a baby in, and this seemed to be perfect. Besides, she reasoned - Pat was far wealthier than her crass attitude and humble lifestyle let on. Sharon knew that the entire Belli family, Willam included, were fabulously rich. This was probably pocket change for her.

The kitchen was small but open plan, nestled in alongside a small living space with a worn red sofa and two armchairs in the middle. Although old and slightly creaking, the wooden stairs held strong as she ventured further into the house, noting a small bedroom with a double bed, a bathroom and one larger, empty room.

This could be the nursery, Sharon thought absent-mindedly.

She hurried downstairs again, where Pat had settled herself into an armchair. Her wrinkled fingers were clasped together, her entire demeanour one of pure satisfaction.

“It’s not perfect, but…” Her eyes gleamed. “It’s yours. You can’t be cooped up with me any longer. We’re running out of space, the size of us both.”

Sharon laughed, fighting back tears. “I love it. I love it. I don’t know what to say.”

“Don’t say anything.” Pat pulled her into a tight hug. “I had some lovely young men come and carry your things here, so everything is either stowed where it should be or sitting in boxes around the place. I didn’t expect you to unpack alone, so help is on the way, but…”

She smiled. “I’m off to the taverna. I’ll see you later today.”

-

Loneliness became the next biggest challenge Sharon had to face.

Of course, she still saw Pat everyday. Their routine had been revised slightly, but she was nevertheless a full-time carer for the old lady. Pat had started to sleep more and go out less, so Sharon’s duties lessened over time. She cooked and cleaned and chatted, and then returned to her own space.

And, naturally, she was never entirely alone - her bump made sure she could never forget that. She would always have her baby with her, snuggled up tight.

But she missed everyone dearly. It had been difficult for Raja and Jinkx to coordinate visiting, and so far they hadn’t managed. They exchanged letters as often as possible, but Sharon could hardly bear the waiting. It took days for her letters to arrive and days to receive responses back. Her best friends were too far away for comfort.

Overall, she just felt alone.

The past few days, she had taken to wandering her home. It was looking better now that she’d put some love and care into it - a fresh coat of paint and some new second-hand furniture had worked wonders, all paid for with her monthly paychecks. Most of the time, her mind was occupied with thoughts of the future; her baby was going to grow up inside these walls, and create lifelong memories that didn’t exist yet. Good things lay ahead, but they weren’t close enough yet.

Sharon filtered through her wardrobe, wondering if she should give up the ghost and toss out some of her old clothes. It was abundantly clear that they didn’t fit anymore - nothing did, but sentimental attachments kept her from throwing some of the garments away. Even the damned blue sequin dress that had forced her to reveal it to her friends held memories she wasn’t sure she could let go of.

“What are you doing to me, baby?” Sharon murmured, gently cupping her bump. “I never used to be like this.”

Her fingers suddenly brushed against a familiar fabric, surprising her. She could pick out the exact fabric any day, and identify it from a line-up of thousands of similar ones, but it didn’t make sense. Why was it…?

She pulled at the hanger, allowing the shirt to slip off into her hands, and let out a quiet gasp. Sharon let herself rub the fabric against her palm, the memories imprinting themselves into her skin and forcing her to relive them.

_ “See, that looks way better on you than it ever did on me,” Justin commenting, shifting himself into an upright position. The covers were carelessly slung over his legs, leaving his naked chest exposed and glistening with sweat. Sharon longed to rip the covers off and run her fingers through her tousled hair, but she resisted the urge._

_“Doesn’t it always?” She teased, twirling. His white shirt had been the first item discarded; she had been unable to keep her hands off of him as soon as they shut the door, and had ended up pinning him against it as she undid the buttons._

_Now, in the glow of their post-coitus haze, she had wrapped it around herself, inhaling the scent of his cologne. It felt like she belonged to him, and she loved it._

_“I’m wounded!” He gasped, clutching his heart. “Light… fading…”_

_Sharon burst into giggles. “What, because I look better than you?”_

_“Darkness… approaching…”_

_Sharon rolled her eyes. “Shut up, drama queen. I’m never taking this off.”_

_“I need… the kiss… of life…” Justin rasped, pathetically reaching forwards as if he hadn’t just been confident and swaggering only moments ago._

_“You do know the kiss of life isn’t a kiss, right?” Sharon checked, watching him through the mirror. Her own hair was a mess, her lipstick was smudged - undoubtedly peppered all along the muscles on his chest - yet there was a light in her eyes that had never been there before. Justin set her on fire and his flames were inescapable._

_Justin dropped his act and laughed, leaning back to fix Sharon with a stare that sent lightning bolts zipping through her. It was all she could do to hold back a sigh._

_“Of course I do. I need your kiss of life, not a kiss of life. A subtle but important difference.”_

_Sharon cocked an eyebrow, trying to act calmer than she felt. “And that difference is?”_

_“Get over here.”_

_He didn’t have to tell her twice. Every ounce of willpower dissipated from her body as she collapsed on top of him, kissing hard as he tore his shirt from her body. Both were desperate to feel skin on skin, refusing to let any barrier go between them. Sharon pressed herself against him and inhaled again, embracing the familiarity of the moment. She found herself smiling into the kiss._

_“You’re so fucking gorgeous,” Justin growled, pressing heated kisses along her jaw and down towards her breasts. “Keep the shirt, it’s yours as long as you agree to be mine.”_

_Sharon giggled, love-drunk with the exhilaration coursing through her veins. “I already am, silly.” _

Oh, how things had changed since then.

She held the shirt in her fist, letting its scent walk her through the memories and finally, briefly, allowing herself to think about him. Had he been thinking about her? Would it ever cross his mind to come back, to find her and fall in love with her all over again?

Her mind raced with scenarios, seemingly desperate to play them all out in the short time she was allocating. Was it possible that he was married now, but desperately unhappy, wishing nothing more than to return to the island and live out his life with her? Did he ever suspect that perhaps their nights together had resulted in something more? Was he trapped in his normality, clinging onto their faded romance to keep him going through the dreary work day? Did he miss her more than life itself?

Or - the thoughts she tried to push aside, to not allow any real estate in her mind - was he happy now? Had he used her as a stress relief, and settled easily back into his picture perfect life? Had his white wedding gone ahead, surrounded by family and friends who lauded the faultless couple and their commitment to one another? Was Sharon nothing more than his dirty secret?

It did no good to dwell on such thoughts. Sharon knew that now. Justin had loved her, and then he had stopped loving here. There was little else to it, she knew.

At least, from his perspective.

As she went to hang the shirt up once again, a slight fluttering stopped her in her tracks. Slowly, she retracted away from the closet and held the shirt again.

Was that…?

Sharon shook her head. She was imagining things for certain. Still, in spite of her surety, she slipped her arms into the soft white fabric, feeling a slight sense of accomplishment at being able to wear it comfortably. Moments later, her stomach fluttered again.

The baby was kicking.

It was a strange sensation; sort of like a muscle contraction she couldn’t control, a tiny little thump. The baby was trying to make certain that she knew they were in there, fighting for mama’s attention. Battling through the heartache of her old memories and the outpour of affection towards her baby, Sharon placed a hand over the fluttering spot and smiled gently, letting out a sigh.

“Well, I guess we know who your daddy is, huh?” She swallowed heavily. “You definitely seem to know him.”

-

_ Dear Sharon,_

_I miss you so much, you bitch! Jinkx + I coming next week for birthday fun so we’ll see you soon I hope! Can’t believe you’re going to be eighteen. And that you’re pregnant too. Wild._

_Dr Visage is an angel, isn’t she? Glad she’s taking care of you._

_Drop in on my mom at some point this week. She has been knitting tiny socks for the baby because she’s a little eager._

_Eric is being a cunt again. I think I might just have to fuck his brother Don to spite him. Thoughts?_

_Sent you some cash with this letter, and a little camera too, in case you wanna take pics of stuff. Memories for when you’re old._

_See you Sunday!!_

_Your favourite whore,  
Raja xx_

_\--_

_Dear Sharon,_

_I hope you’ve been working on some melodies between cooking your baby and looking after Pat because I’m DYING to sing with my girls again. It’s been too long!_

_Don’t have much time to write because Amy is due to arrive any minute and you know how it is. Looking forwards to seeing you next week though! What’s the betting that Raja either has a rich boyfriend or convinced her dad to let her have that weird cosmetic procedure she keeps banging on about? Life in plastic might not be so fantastic._

_Also, I read that sometimes pregnant women get wild cravings so if you start eating weird things I’m gonna laugh my ass off. If it’s normal things then that’s boring and you can do better. Mom says if you ever want some of her spicy bean casserole she’s happy to make it for you. Anyways, update me on your alien._

_Amy’s here, gotta go. Miss you!!_

_Love Jinkx xx _

\--

Sharon stood on the dock and watched the tiny dot grow nearer and nearer to the island. She had to laugh - of course they had decided to wait for the mid-morning tourist ferry to get them to the island, rather than rowing themselves over. Then again, she reasoned, she had always been the best at rowing, and she was officially out of action. And she’d written to each of them just to make sure they knew that under no circumstances would she be meeting them on the mainland for convenience.

Her newly developed anxiety about going to the mainland alone was something she needed to deal with eventually, but not right now.

Eventually, growing tired from standing for so long, Sharon took off her shoes and sat at the end of the dock, letting her feet rest in the sea as she watched the boat beginning to approach. Only when it drew close enough to make out the shapes of the passengers did she stand again, not wanting to be caught sitting. It was odd, she thought to herself, that it felt so embarrassing to have to cave to her body’s needs. She was pregnant - there really was nothing wrong with sitting.

But whatever. She stood and watched, smiling as the passengers disembarked and went their separate ways. Predictably, her two goofy friends were the last to get off; they always wanted to make a grand entrance.

At once they were upon her, squeezing her tight and laughing joyously at the reunion. All four of Raja’s suitcases had somehow jammed into Sharon’s side, and Jinkx’s wide-brimmed sun hat was brushing against her face, but she grinned into the embrace nevertheless. It was the most physically uncomfortable yet emotionally fulfilling hug Sharon had ever experienced. Almost instantly, some of the stress she had been holding in a pent-up ball in her chest melted away.

“Oh my god, you’re huge.” Were Jinkx’s first words as she wriggled out of the hug, staring at Sharon’s bump.

She giggled as Raja hissed, “Jinkx! Bolster!”, then looked down and matched her friend’s wide-eyed, shocked expression.

“Shit. You are pretty big. Still gorgeous though!” She added, Jinkx nodding in agreement.

Sharon laughed and entwined her fingers into her friends. “Did you forget how long you’ve been gone? Things have changed since then.”

Jinkx paused, then shook her head. “I’m not in the mood to do maths.”

“Twenty weeks.” Raja rolled her eyes, stealing the hat from Jinkx’s head to model it on her own. “So that’s…”

“Halfway point.” Sharon nodded. “About four and a half months. But we’ll hear all this later, at the appointment. I thought you guys might wanna come along and see what it’s all about.”

Raja and Jinkx smiled warmly, and Sharon felt her heart expanding with gratefulness. “We’d love that.”

“Anyway,” Sharon grinned. “Wait until you see my place. It’s not much, but… I love it. It’s a home, and it’s not her home.”

In preparation for their visit, Sharon had bundled nearly every blanket and pillow she owned into makeshift beds, though she knew their first night would be spent squeezed into her bed together. Maria had kindly offered to house them for a while, but she’d politely declined; the older woman was already doing enough for her at this point.

It was disconcerting, sometimes, how much Sharon felt she’d matured. Only a few months ago she had been emotionally volatile, sullenly hiding from her good-for-nothing mom, trying to spend all of her time at her friends’ houses. Now she had her own place, and had been desperately cleaning and tidying and prepping for their arrival like some sort of crazed mother goose.

Maria greeted them at the taverna when they stopped for a break, panting in the early morning heat with the effort of hauling suitcases up the notoriously steep, rocky island. Although it was much cooler towards the start of the day, the girls still found themselves sweating and desperate for something to drink when they stopped off. Like an angel, Maria had ushered them to their usual table near the jukebox and busied herself with two cocktails and a glass of icy water whilst Raja tried to find a decent song to play.

“We should do a Supermodels reunion tonight!” Jinkx suggested, humming one of their old tunes. “Thoughts?”

“Hell yes!” Raja replied, at the same time as Sharon went, “Absolutely not.”

They both turned, surprised. “What? It’s a terrible idea! You want me to perform looking like this?”

Jinkx pursed her lips. “You look beautiful! And it’s not like we need to dance, we can just sing the words and rake in some extra pennies. We could do Kisses of Fire again, or something else just as fun.”

Sharon shook her head. “I don’t think so. I don’t think I can even reach those notes anymore.”

It was only a half-lie. She hadn’t tried to sing properly since she found out, having had no real reason to. Singing didn’t bring her the same joy that it once had - it wasn’t an expression of her freedom anymore, but a reminder of how limited she had become. No, the main problem was how often she had been thinking about the one person she swore she wouldn’t. Refreshing the memories of them in her head would only worsen the situation.

Really, she had tried to move on. Justin obviously had. But it wasn’t easy to erase the romance that changed her life for both better and worse. She couldn’t even pour her heart out onto paper anymore, let alone into music. She had tried, desperately tried, to send him a letter. Just to explain everything.

_ Dear Justin- _

No.

_ Justin- _

Far too formal. As if he was in trouble. She didn’t want to make him feel like that - even if she knew that _she_ was in trouble.

_ To the one that got away- _

No, no, no. Who did she even think she was?

_ Dear Justin,  
I don’t want to write this letter. I don’t know how to write this letter. You’ll never read it, anyway, because I won’t send it. I know that you’re married now, and probably really happy. In a way, I’m glad I could help you decide if that perfect life laid out for you was the one you wanted or not.  
I’m lying. It kills me that you chose her, it kills me that I was just a stepping stone. But I want you to be happy, and I can’t ruin your happiness.  
What kind of person would I be if I ruined your bliss by telling you about my hell? Is it better or worse if I don’t tell you? There are so many outcomes that I don’t want to think about. Some good, some bad. I’m stalling telling you the truth in a letter that I won’t ever send, that’s how afraid I am.  
I think part of me wants to accept that I am a good judge of character, and I know you to be a good person. If I told you… If I told you the truth, would you come back? It’s strange. I’ve lost all confidence, I don’t know if you would. But then if you would, is it out of guilt? I shouldn’t really dare to hope that any spark lingered. Your absence probably proves that the spark is gone, at least for you.  
All I’m doing at this point is wasting ink and paper penning this useless letter to you. I don’t even know where in the world you are. Maybe you’re miserable like me. Maybe you’re the happiest you’ve ever been.  
I truly don’t know if, if I saw you again, I would embrace you with open arms or cast you to the side. It’s one of those heart vs head decisions where I know my head is right, but I know my heart will betray me.  
Perhaps it’s right that I won’t send this letter, and you’ll never know about me and the baby. It’s easier that way. I just have to stop thinking about you. _

She remained subdued for most of their journey to the mainland, where Michelle was waiting for the three to arrive. It was all she could do to try and clear her mind before the appointment, not wanting to be hung up about her ex in one of the most significant moments of her life. Thankfully, as soon as she saw the grainy image of her baby on the screen before her, all of her outside stresses melted away.

Michelle examined everything carefully, searching for discrepancies Sharon had no idea the woman could spot. After a few tense moments, Jinkx and Raja holding her hand on either side, she broke into a huge smile.

“A little small, but nothing to worry about. Some women just have small babies! My two were huge, so you got lucky.” Michelle grinned.

Raja, ever impatient, rolled her eyes. “Michelle, that’s charming. Can we see the magic now?”

She chuckled. “Fine, fine.”

Sharon held her breath.

“She’s perfectly healthy, congratulations.”

The birds outside seemed to sing a little louder, the sun shining a little brighter than before. Flowers bloomed in fragrant bunches. A million wrongs were righted all at once. Little pockets of happiness seemed to burst into joyous laughter all over the planet. Collectively, the world let out a little relieved sigh.

“She! Jinkx, Raja, did you hear that?”

Jinkx squeezed her hand even tighter. “You’re having a girl!”

“Another Supermodel!” Raja joked, blinking away the tears in her eyes. “Oh my god, a little mini Sharon is on her way! Hi, angel!”

Sharon’s heart had never been so full. All of the loneliness, all of the stress and hardship that she had been through and knew still lay ahead of her, melted away into nothing. Though it had been far from easy and would only get harder as it progressed, none of that mattered. This little girl was going to heal her heart.

“I… I can’t believe this…” She murmured, welling up. “If only-”

She paused. If only Justin were here, she had thought about saying, but decided against it. There was still the possibility that Jaremi or Willam could be her little girl’s dad, though she doubted it. Of course, whilst she had no way of knowing, she was sure it had been Justin. Still, as Raja and Jinkx didn’t know about her other stupid rebound flings, there was no point in debating which one was the dad. All that mattered was that Sharon got to be her mom.

“What, darling?”

Sharon cleared her head and smiled. “Nothing. It doesn't matter. I have you two and I have my girl. That’s all that matters, isn’t it?”

Jinkx tackled her in a hug, Raja choosing the safer option of bringing her hand up to kiss it. Their eyes were gleaming, and Sharon took a moment to appreciate just how supportive they were. Despite everything, she was lucky to have them in her life when she needed them most.

“You know what this means, right? Other than a new Supermodel?” Raja asked, earning a giggle from each of them.

“Enlighten us, Oh Mighty Raja.” Jinkx laughed, seemingly on the same wavelength.

“We need to go shopping!”

-

Sharon wasn’t sure how they’d done it, but she had been convinced to try and sing with them. Maybe it had been their fierce protectiveness and mutual excitement for the new life - a little girl! - growing inside her, or their never-ending support. Regardless, somehow, they had softened her already weak heart into giving in.

They arrived back at Sharon’s in the mid-afternoon, laden with armfuls of tiny baby clothes and shoes that seemed too small to ever belong to a person. Sharon had insisted that they kept their money for themselves, that she could manage on their own, but Raja had simply rolled her eyes and Jinkx had told her in no uncertain terms that as aunties, this was their job.

Highlights of the day included watching her friends become utterly smitten with the tiny pink pastels they were filling their baskets with, and feeling similarly clucky as they browsed endless baby aisles. Sharon found herself more fascinated with the soft muslin than anything else; in just a few months time, her baby girl would be alive and squirming, safely wrapped in a blanket just like the ones she stroked between her fingers as they passed by. Although it was terrifying, she looked forward to finally meeting her.

Another highlight, surprisingly, came from a scoff and a judgemental comment from an older couple. Sharon hadn’t noticed their attentive gaze, too engrossed in the ridiculously tiny shoes, but Raja and Jinkx were already on high alert.

“The state of young girls these days. I mean, she can’t be more than eighteen, look at her.”

“I’ll bet she did it just to try and stop her boyfriend from breaking up with her. Wonder how that turned out.”

The couple snickered, their comments loud enough for Sharon to hear them. She took a deep breath in and focused on the shelves in front of her, determined to ignore it and continue shopping. The girls had other ideas.

“Well shit, I sure hope you two aren’t parents. I bet your kids are the fucking bullies of the school, the way you talk.” Raja spat, spinning on her heel to face the suddenly affronted couple.

Jinkx nodded. “Accidents happen, doesn’t mean they can’t be happy miracles. Unlike you, she’ll be a great parent to her baby, because she cares about people and doesn’t judge others like an asshole.”

Eyeing each other, the couple each raised an eyebrow. “Typical irresponsible kids.”

Sharon saw Raja tense, and knew that any moment, she would launch forward and start a scrap with the couple. Needing to diffuse the situation, she grabbed Raja’s hand and pulled her back, smiling gently as she did.

“Ignore them,” She said softly. “Look, you don’t have to defe-”

“Get your nasty ass away from my fucking friend, you piece of unholy shit!” Raja struggled to get free, straining and pulling until the couple eventually took the hint and decided to get out of their way. When they were gone, she apologised and brushed herself down, her chest heaving with anger.

“I’m sorry. Did I hurt you?”

Sharon shook her head, unable to stop the grin from sliding onto her face. “No. You’re both awesome, I love you so much. You really don’t need to do that for me.”

“But we want to, baby. We want to.” Jinkx told her.

“I know. That’s why I love you so much.”

Encounters like that were one of the many reasons Sharon was so filled with anxiety about going to the mainland. It was comforting to have her friends so fiercely sticking up for her, but she still didn’t feel completely at ease until the island began to climb into view from the sailboat. It had truly become a safe haven to her in a way that transcended the little paradise that had once been her escape from her mother. Now, it was a home for her new baby, ready and waiting and protected.

-

That morning, Pat was sitting in her chair, fiddling idly with the knitting needles she seldom used. A small project hung from one of them, pink and white, and she looked uncharacteristically nervous. Sharon was on guard immediately, setting down her bag and sitting opposite her.

“Everything okay? Is there anything I can get for you?”

Pat shook her head. Sharon only continued. “Maybe that pouffe if your arthritis is acting up? I could run upstairs-”

Again, she shook her head, this time clasping Sharon’s hand in hers to silence her. Her eyes were kind and filled with a desolate sadness that Sharon didn’t understand, but wanted to fix. It was the least she could do.

“Honey, you’re in no condition be running up any stairs.” Pat reminded her, smiling gently as she blushed a little in embarrassment. “I need to talk to you about something, something important. I just want to come out with it first and explain later, save the build up. I don’t want to cause you unnecessary stress.”

Sharon held her breath, but whatever she expected, this wasn’t it.

“I’m going into a retirement home.”

A million questions scorched the tip of her tongue, practically falling over one another in a hurried attempt to get out, but not a single one made it past her lips. All she could do was examine Pat with the intensity of a terrified child, desperately wondering why she had made that decision. It made sense, given her age, but it now meant that Sharon was out of a job and at such a crucial time when money was so tight, she needed that employment more than ever before.

“My needs are getting more and more complex, I’m not getting any younger and we both know that. My family have agreed I could use the help and, sweetheart…” She squeezed Sharon’s hand. “I don’t want to rely on you when you have so much else going on. You have been an absolute angel to me, and you have a knack for looking after people like I’ve never seen. But in just a few more months you’ll be busy with a baby and I can’t take priority over that.”

At some point, Sharon had teared up. She wasn’t sure when.

“You’re going to be a fantastic mom, I know it. You’ve selflessly dedicated your time to me and I know you will do the same for that beautiful daughter of yours. I can’t wait to meet her. But I need to get out of your hair so you can focus on what truly matters. However-” The sad sparkle in Pat’s eyes made way for an almost mischievous, proud glint. “You didn’t think I’d leave you without a few gifts, right?”

Sharon sighed. “Oh, Pat, you know you shouldn’t-”

“Nonsense!” The old lady replied. “It’s my wealth and I’ll lavish it on whoever I choose. These are for you.”

She handed over three items - a piece of paper, an envelope, and the knitted thing - a tiny dress, perfect for a newborn. Sharon took the paper and read it, unsure of what to expect from the gift, after stroking the soft fabric of the dress and imagining it on the daughter she had yet to meet.

Pat had outdone herself.

“This… this is the deed to those old buildings on the top of the island…” Sharon murmured, before her gaze shot upwards. “Pat.”

She grinned. “I already said, caring for people is something you’ve proved you’re amazing at. I’ve called some renovation and repair teams… you’re building that goddamn hotel. Take care of your guests like you did with me and I guarantee you’ll be a success.”

The envelope, Sharon found moments later, was wadded with money.

“Even when I’m six feet under, I won’t have you going hungry on my watch. To help with bills, just in case you’re in this situation because of our Bill.” God, that woman was wicked. Sharon wasn’t sure whether to laugh or cry, and settled for a weepy mixture of the two. She was downright speechless, a quality that few had the ability to render her into.

In a matter of weeks, everything changed. Pat was gone, Sharon was at home, and the waiting game of labour seemed to be the only thing on her horizon. Most days, she went out to check on the construction and talk planning with the team, who seemed equally shocked and impressed that their boss was eighteen and heavily pregnant. 

Raja and Jinkx would be arriving soon, giving them plenty of time to support her before the baby came. They would have a nice, calm few weeks together, and then her daughter would finally be here and everything would begin to fall into place.

-

Raja and Jinkx arrived on the eve of forty weeks, perfectly on time, and were down at the dock.

Maria, the bartender and owner of the taverna, was washing glasses in the sink.

Maria’s son Jose was collecting new shipments of ale from the loading bay.

Sharon was out on a walk along one of the shallow cliffs, where Justin used to take her.

Not long now.

Raja and Jinkx stood chatting, excitedly wondering how long they would be staying before the baby came. Raja was complaining a little about having to lug her own many, many suitcases up the notoriously uphill island, and Jinkx was reminding her through her laughter that given their friend was nine months pregnant, she had to cut her losses.

Maria thought about Sharon, who had picked up a few extra shifts since Pat had entered the home, and wondered how her part-time employee and long-time performer was doing that day. It was about noon, so no doubt she was enjoying some lunch and preparing for the arrival in a few days time, her workload reduced to nothing.

Jose spotted the two girls on the beach and wondered which one of them was hotter, and which one was more likely to respond flirtatiously if he offered to help them. He fixated on the tall, dark haired one and offered to help both carry their suitcases up the island.

Sharon winced a little bit, let out a sigh, and then winced much harder. It hurt.

Raja, in her element, allowed the young man to take her bags and gave him a wink, hoping to convey everything she was willing to do. Jinkx, rolling her eyes, followed her friend and shook her head as they made their way towards the taverna, where Sharon was going to meet them.

Maria decided, on a whim, to see how Sharon was doing. She liked taking a walk around this time, and was most likely on her usual route. It was only a short journey from her small taverna to where she would probably be.

Jose began regretting offering to help. These girls were carrying bags laden with wet cement, clearly.

Sharon swallowed hard and tried to stand up. The pain had subsided but then it had come back, worse.

Raja and Jinkx chatted idly about how Sharon was late. Typical, really. They laughed and switched on the old jukebox.

Maria’s eyes landed on Sharon, registered the situation and bolted, promising to come back with help.

Jose sat down and thanked the lord his mother was gone, so he could pour himself a nice cold beer and let his poor arms rest.

Sharon waited. It was all she could do.

Raja and Jinkx gasped as a panicked Maria burst through the doors, alerting them that Sharon needed their help. 

Maria grabbed her son and yanked the beer away from him, yelling at him to run ahead and help the poor girl to her feet, possibly even to carry her if she became too weak to walk.

Jose thought of his poor tired arms and silently prayed as he made his way to help.

Sharon got to her feet without Jose’s help and took his arm. It would be fine once she got to her house. That was what she told herself.

-

She was so tiny.

She had been cleaned and swaddled in soft yellow muslin as she started to cry, and Sharon’s arms reached out instinctively to cradle her. Her cries soon quieted as she relaxed into the safety of her mama’s arms, wrapped up warm and tight into a small bundle. Her little nose peeked out from the blanket, and her rosebud lips were parted slightly in an awed reaction to being alive.

Sharon’s chest heaved with the effort but she clung on to her newborn, needing the reassurance of her warm weight as much as the baby needed her heartbeat. Maria was removing towels and Jose was running to send a message on the next ferry to Pat and Raja and Jinkx were cooing, but Sharon had only eyes and ears for her daughter.

The name had been an easy choice. An homage to the woman who had given her a home, a job and a career to build, proving that life didn’t have to disintegrate into nothing during a bad situation. Patricia may have been an old name, mostly unsuited to a small baby, but the name Sharon had chosen fitted perfectly.

“I bet that asshole Justin will kick himself when he finds out what a beautiful daughter he’s missing out on.” Raja cursed, before going starry-eyed once again and cooing at the baby. “God, she’s just stunning, isn’t she?”

Sharon sighed gently. “Don’t say his name. Please. Not in front of Trixie.”

Of course she couldn’t send any letter to him, or let him know. There was an entire, living breathing baby in her arms, and that was no small feat to try and care for. It was cruel of her to expect Justin to be able to cope with it, and even crueler for her to inflict an unwilling parent onto an innocent child. Things were better this way.

“So she’s never going to know about him?” Jinkx asked, using one finger to lightly rub against Trixie’s impossibly soft cheek.

“Never.” Sharon said firmly. “Look, she’s so small. She’s all mine.”

“She has the most tiny perfect little features…”

“She’s the image of you, Sharon. You to a T.”

The compliments kept coming, but Sharon didn’t really hear them. Her mind had drifted, trying and failing to imagine her own mother feeling the same compassion for herself as a baby. In that moment, she knew that she would endure any hardship, sacrifice anything, if it meant Trixie would be safe. She would never allow her precious daughter to come to any harm, or feel that she couldn’t go to her mama in times of need.

No, Sharon would do it differently. She would be better than her own mother, and Trixie would be better than them all. Sharon would guide her.

“Don’t make the same mistakes I did, baby girl. Do it right, unlike your mama.”


End file.
